what the hell

So today is the day I should start bleeding....well at least it's been like clockwork for the last 6 months. I've had 25 day cycles since I started tracking them last January which means I should start today. Except....so far nothing! I usually always start in the early morning hours which meant I went to sleep last night expecting to be woken up by cramps. I don't even feel a hint of it coming on. Last month no ovulation and now no period. WTF?? We're one try in and those damn sperm jacked my girl parts up. I mean, I know it was probably a shock and all, but I guess it just threw my cycle for a loop. I'm ready to start and get on track for try #2 so we can get this show on the road. Now if only my girly parts will cooperate.

Here's to bleeding soon....and to being over with, before we leave for vacation next Thursday!

Father's Day

As I sit here watching World Cup...Viva Argentina!....I'm thinking about what today means to me. My parents split up when I was 8. My dad was a horrible alcoholic. I always loved my dad and have very fond memories of him as well. I was his little buddy. We would fish, grill out, camp. I always remember him drinking a beer during these times, but it was never negative to me. Then all of sudden it seemed like his drinking was out of control and my mom left. The screaming matches only happened for a couple of months there at the end before she left. Because she left, I will be forever grateful. I only realized this within the last few years. I always thought my Dad was the best guy, for those 2 weeks every summer. During the year we had little contact. No birthday calls or cards. It was as if he forgot about us. I always resented him for this and my little brother had an even harder time, and still does. Later, I would learn from my half sister, whose mother did not leave, that her childhood was horrible. Here my brother and I always wanted our dad there and resented our mom for leaving him and my sister was wishing her mom would leave. He stopped drinking a few years ago and is back to the great guy I remember as a kid. Times have changed though and his role is one that's hard to define. He's my dad, but he's not my "dad". He was never there...My mom married a wonderful man who stepped in and became a "dad" to us and we both love him for that. So I called my dad today, and will be going to my parents house to celebrate Father's Day with my step-dad, better known as papa.

All of this had me thinking how our kid will end up not having a "dad". I can't answer that but I know that our baby will have lots of wonderful, respectable, caring, and loving men in their life. I think that will be enough but I can't help but hope our kid won't resent us for not having a dad around like I did my mom. Even though in the end, when I was much older, I realized it was just better that way.

Hapy Father's Day to all the wonderful men who are "dads" to their kids.

So here we are in our second month of TTC and I'm already frustrated and pissed. Originally, we debated as to whether or not to try this month, and now it looks like my body has made up her mind for us. I've been testing since last Wed, which was CD11 and I have not detected a surge yet! As of yesterday, CD16, nothing. The last couple of months, I have always surged on CD13 so I have no idea what's up. I called the RE and they told me to come in for a "no surge for 6 days" ultrasound which is $345 so I told them no thanks. I don't want to pay that $ just to be told that I missed it. I think that I must have o'd early is all I can think of. Plus, I've been sick and we used a different opk brand this month. We have always used the digitals and this month decided to be cheap and use the store brand sticks. I'm guessing we just don't know how to read those so it's back to expensive digitals for us. I've had a surge with my right side before so I'm not too overly concerned but if it happens again, we'll do the ultrasound. So for this month, we're gonna hit the gym, use our IUI money for some bills, and enjoy our 4th of July vacation. If all goes well with my period this month, our next try should be right around when we return from vacation.

Speaking of vacation, we'll be going to Helen, GA to see my Dad, step-mom, and sister. We'll be driving up with my brother for the long weekend, which will be nice. My Dad has been saying that he wants his 3 kids together. This is not the same sister I was complaining about in my previous posts so it will be nice to see them. Since they all 3 live in GA, we don't see them as much as we would like. My step-mom has been really great through all of this baby making stuff too which is funny, cause I've never thought much of her. My own Mom doesn't ask any questions, but my step-mom is all over it. She says she can't wait to be "Nana". At least someone's excited in the family!

Here's to better luck next cycle!

CD13

So the other night at the bullseye store, the wife and I were picking up some opk's and standing there in that aisle trying to decide which to buy, and this lady comes over to us. She is probably in her 40's and asks us out of the blue "hoping for good news?" to which we both reply "oh yeah". She then tells us she hopes we get it and walks aways. It was so random and surprising to us. She was with a man and some kids when we passed her later in the store so I don't think she was gay, but it is was very touching, sweet, and random. Let's hope it was the good luck sign we've been hoping for.

On another note, today is CD13 which is the day I usually get my +. I forgot the test of course so my wife is bringing it in. Oh the perks of working together...your wife can bring in your opk test when you forget it. If we see our smiley face then we'll go in tomorrow. Last month we did it the same day and this month, even if I have to pay an extra $40, I'm doing it the next day.

And don't forget everyone.....World Cup starts today!!! It's the only sport my wife will get into...must be the fact that she was born in South America! I tell her it was bred into her genes. Viva Argentina!!

**UPDATE***
So no surge today as of yet, but I did have my accupuncture appt and I feel GREAT! Even if it doesn't help us to have a baby (which I'm convinced it will), it sure does make you feel good and it is a great stress reducer! I hope everyone has a good weekend!

CD10

I don't know what my problem is but I'm not excited about this next try. It should be this Saturday if I surge on CD13 like I have the last 3 months. It was nothing but excitement and anticipation heading up to try #1, but now nothing. I have cut out caffeine pretty much cold turkey and stopped drinking aside from my Memorial Day binge. I'm going for acupuncture on Friday so hopefully that will stimulate my girly parts to do what they need to do. The one thing that has been bothering me though is that I have a 25 day cycle and 12 day luteal phase. What this really means, I don't know. My RE doesn't seem to be concerned about it but I don't want to do all these unnecessary IUI's if I should be concerned about it. Any thoughts on this would be great.

In other news, my Mom bought us our first baby gift which was huge for her because she hasn't exactly been excited about this whole endeavor. She bought us a onesie from North Carolina that says "Carolina babies are the sweeter than tea". Cute right? Let's just hope we have a baby to put it in one of these days. That would be my luck, Mom gets on board and it doesn't work. Her excuse for not being on board was she didn't want to get let down if it didn't work. Thanks for the support there Mom. I just hope my wife and I have it in us to make this journey. Here's to try #2!

CD5

From the tiltle, it is clear that out first attempt did not work. My wife was upset, but I wasn't. I don't know if I just figured it wouldn't work or what. I had a lot of the typical pregnancy symptons though so maybe that's why she was so upset. I started my period early Sunday morning and just embraced Memorial Day after that. We drank all day Sunday and Monday. Now with our next shot around 6/11, it has me thinking that maybe we should sit out this month. I want to catch up on some bills, my wife needs to go the dentist, and we're going away for the 4th of July so I don't want to over extend our finances. I'm torn really, I don't want to sit out, I don't want to charge it, and I want us to still have a good time on our trip. I don't want to have worry about finances. We don't have a whole lot in savings but we do have 2 more vials so that's good. i just don't want to have to charge the dentist, appt, or any of our trip on the credit cards. I'm the one who does the money and I do not want to get any further into debt. We paid cash for our whole wedding trip and ceremony last year and I want to do that with the baby making as well. I hate using my credit cards and just want to pay them off already. Am I protecting myself, being a realist, or just really concerned about finances? I don't know. I told my wife that we will make a game day decision when we get our smiley face.

In other news my sister posts daily about her pregnancy. She's 11 weeks along andf my poor niece is so upset with the whole thing. The whole family is really, but what can you do. (see previous post for all the gory details of said sister).

In happier news, Gay Days at Disney World is this Saturday and we are going. We have a friedn who works there andcanget us in because we would not be paying $70 a piece to go! It should be fun, it will be nice to get out in the heat with a bunch of gays and wear our red shirts. My wife LOVES Disney. She used to be a character there and loves everything about it so I'm happy we're going for her. She's been really stressed lately about this baby making business and work stuff so I'm glad we can go for her. It almost makes me happy that I'm the one that will carry because she is so stressed about it now, I couldn't imagine if she had to go through it herself.

I hope everyone out in blogland is well and I hope we get lots of BFP's and happy healthy preganancies in June!