bleh

That sums up how I feel and how I've felt for the last few days. Bleh. I'm tired, my head hurts, I feel like I'm about to start my period although it's not due until Sunday. If she shows up, I'm drinking this Memorial Day. I could sure use a beer. If she doesn't show up than all this yuckiness will be worth it. I don't think it worked though. I keep going back and forth and some days I feel it worked and others I say no. Today I just feel crampy, like I'm about to bleed any minute. I'll probably test Friday just because I can't stand it.

In other news....last Monday my sister called to tell us that she's pregnant! Great timing...it only made me hate you more. Just kidding....kind of. She's 24, this will be her 2nd kid and she can't even take care of the first. No one in the family is excited except for her. My niece is 5 and she has been suspended 3 times this year from kindergarten. Can you say acting out? Her no good boyfriend doesn't work and stays home all day selling pot. She's 9 weeks along and still smoking cigarettes. She told my wife ( I didn't answer when she called) that she had no clue she was even pregnant until she went to the Health Dept for a pregnancy test. But don't worry...she's already signed up for public assistance. It just makes me sick to hear about it. I still haven't talked to her and she called Monday. I can't fake nice or happy so I figure I'll have to wait to talk to her. So in the meantime, I'm not drinking any alcohol or caffeine in the hopes that I MAY be pregnant. We pais $500 for a 16% chance. We've been together over 5 years, own a home, have jobs, make over $100k a year combined and it's just not fair! We could give a baby a good life and we will. And I will love and provide for my new niece or nephew just as I do with my wonderful niece now. We love her so much and get her as often as we can. I just hope her and the new baby come out ok, but I know they won't. My niece already has battle scars at 51/2.

In other news...it was 1 week yesterday since our 1st IUI. Please pray for a + this weekend! Or if not pray that I'm not too hungover on Monday!

Ok so, now what?? We did the IUI yesterday around 3. The doc said the juice looked good. Spouted off some numbers while the wife and I just looked at each other. The IUI itself was painless. The doc even let my wife push the plunger which I thought was a nice gesture. My wife looked absolutely freaked out though. We went home and I laid on the couch for the rest of the night. My cousin came over and told us all about his trip to Switzerland to see his brother play a music festival. I wanted to go so bad, but my wife pretty much summed it up with, Europe or baby. Clearly I picked baby as I lay there with sperm inside me listening to his stories and looking at his pictures. I had some mild cramping on my left side but it wasn't too bad. I also had gas but that could of been the Thai food. I woke up this morning and I still feel a little bloated on my left side. So my question now is.....now what? I keep thinking to myself how weird it is that we actually went through with it. I mean, I knew we would, but the day actually arrived and I got shot up. I just hope my eggs know what to do with something they've never seen before. I have this image of my Rosie the Riverter egg fending off all of the sperm trying to get to her. She's probably freaked out right now being attacked by sperm. I just hope she lets just one in so we can get this accomplished in one shot and move onto the pregnancy portion of this plan.

OMG!

So I tested for my surge today around 11am and we got our smiley face! So I then called the doctor and she said to come in at 2:45 TODAY! Is that too early? This is our first IUI and it is just hitting me that WE ARE DOING THIS TODAY! Now if only the day would pass quicker so I could get this over with. I'm not really sure what to expect but I guess I'll find out soon enough. I always knew we were trying, but now we are about to be in our first 2 week wait which is so crazy to me. Wish us luck. I'll letyou know how it goes.

Here's an email my wonderful wife sent me today at work. I love her! She included the after 1pm thing because she teaches class from 9-1 next Wednesday which very well could be THE day. I would hate to have to go to our first IUI by myself! Now if only God would respond....

Dear God,
Jen and I would like a healthy baby, that takes on the first time- next Wednesday after 1pm. And, we would like for her pregnancy to be healthy and allow everything to go great with her and the baby.
Thank you,
Tati

CD5

We're getting closer to our first IUI. I had some more acupuncture last Friday and the Doc told me she thinks it'll happen on the first try. I'm either going to be very grateful to her or fucking pissed if it doesn't work. Mother's Day went better then expected. From reading these ttc blogs I can see why some of you have a hard time with it. I guess since we haven't even done our first IUI we still have no idea what kind of roller coaster of emotions we are about to face it doesn;t bother us as much. It's weird that next week is our first try. I just want to know what it's going to be like. Does it hurt? The first exam the RE did didn't hurt but didn't feel good either. Is it like that? I've read about cramping, should I try and come back to work or should I go home and stand on my head? The unknown is what's driving me nuts. I have another acupuncture appt this Friday which will make 3 sessions before the IUI. Let's hope it works for us. We only have 3 trys lined up before we can get some more juice out of hock (aka quarantine). I never imagined how hard it would be to find a South American donor! Not even California had a lot. Most were Mexican or Puerta Rican, no offense, but they look nothing like my beautiful Bolivian wife.

Speaking of my wife, today is our 6 month wedding anniversary. 6 months ago today we were in Boston going through another different kind of emotional roller coaster. We had spent the week before we were to leave at a hospital in Alabama at my g-dad's bedside. We got there only hours after they sedated him and he never woke up again. I still kick mysef that we didn't leave earlier. I can still hear his voice. So as he lay in the hospital unable to regain consciencousness my family urged us to go to Boston and get married. We left on a Thursday night. We applied for our marriage license on Friday and took off for the weekend up through Vermont to Montreal. We had a lovely weekend there and while driving through the backroads of New Hampshire on our way to my wife's aunt's place on Cape Cod, we got the call that Monday afternoon. G-dad was gone. We were married the next day, Tuesday at 5pm, and spent our honeymoon night in a cheap hotel next to the Providence, RI airport. We left early the next morning for Alabama. After 2 flights and a 3 hours drive we were at the funeral home. Then out to Oklahoma to bury him. I still can't think of our courthouse wedding without thinking of him. Thankfully we had another ceremony and reception here Dec 5th. It was magical and is not associated with death as our "legal, but not in Fl" courthouse wedding is. Either way, I married the woman of my dreams that Nov 10th, which was our 5 year anniversary. I love her more than I'll ever be able to tell her and I hope that I can give her the baby she was meant to be a Mami to one day....one day soon.....as in please take next week!

CD1

So here we are....CD1. It's crazy to think that in about 2 weeks we go in for our first IUI. Our lives will literally change 1 month from now. I know the odds of it taking on the first try are low, but it will happen 1 of these trys so I will probably feel like this everytime I start my period until we have our baby. I have acupuncture again tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. I can feel a difference this month with just my PMS and cramps alone. I had no symptoms of starting my period and today my cramps are even tolerable. Usually I'm a bitch the week before, sore boobs, craving everything, and then BAM, doubled over with cramps on the first day. The Dr. said she would help my period and so far she has. I felt awesome after my first session so I'm looking forward to my fix tomorrow. Even if it doesn't help with my fertility, it sure does help with my attitude so the wife's all for it. So, cross your fingers we have just entered CD1 for our first try!

CD25

Well, well...Last weekend was so much fun! I had my first round of acupuncture and dinner on Thursday which was my actual birthday, an arena footbal game with about 10 family and friends Friday night, a massage Saturday morning, dancing lessons Saturday night, and Sunday was spent at the springs hiking and swimming. It was an awesome birthday and hopefully the last I'll spend without a baby.

Well the acupuncture is still working. It made such a noticable difference in my life the last few days that people even noticed. I've been in a good mood and not cranky or tired ever since last Thursday. I go again this Friday which should be right about when my period is starting again. I hope my girlie parts are feeling the effects from the acupuncture as well. I'm supposed to start tomorrow but I have no indication that I will. Maybe the acupuncture took all my PMS away?? Wouldn't that be great! Or maybe, like I told me wife this morning, it threw my cycle off of it's regular 25 day cycle. Who knows, but we are doing our first IUI this cycle so I hope it doesn't confuse us too much when it comes to testing. I ovulated on CD13 last month so I guess we'll see what happens this month.