5 years ago
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Avery Grace
My sister had a baby at 12:42am this morning. Her name is Avery Grace. I replayed this entry in my head last night as I lay in bed thinking about her. She is beautiful and pink and healthy and I am jealous, but also scared for the life ahead of her. My sister is 25 years old. She had her first kid at 19. The whole family has helped to raise that first kid and now she has another one. My sister doesn't make the effort to bathe my niece as often as she should. She always has on dirty clothes and smells like cigarettes. They met us at the Pride parade last year and she told my niece, who is 6, to "shake her booty for some beads". This stuff is heartbreaking to me and the whole family. My wife and I are very close to our niece. We had her every other weekend for years. My sister is a good hearted person but has no business being a mom. She looks at my niece as something to show off. At 3 she commented on how nice my niece's shoulders looked in a tank top she was wearing. My sister places all her worth on whatever guy she is dating at the time. She is still married to my niece's dad even though they split when she was 1. This is her 2nd live in boyfriend since. As my mother says, the baby has a lot of uncles. I could go on and on. I'm not trying to bad mouth my sister but I can't help but feel jaded and pissed off. She called me and told me she was pregnant 1 week in to our 1st 2 week wait. I had to endure her facebook updates of "headed to the health dept to find out the sex of the baby", I had to listen as her no good boyfriend said God hated him for giving him a girl and how my sister just really wished it was a boy for his sake. It's not fair and I'm just pissed. But I'm torn too because little Avery is so fragile and vulnerable and I know she will mess this one up like she's doing my niece. Every time we get her we here more and more of my sister coming through. The last time she came over she told me that her mommy told her that the older she gets the smaller her underwear get. WTF?? She also told me one time that her mommy told her to only marry a cute boy with money. We've done so much but I know that she will turn out just like my sister. I can already see it and I can already see poor Avery headed down that same road. And the best part is...she smoked the whole time during both pregnancies. I know my wife and I could do way better, I just hope we're given the chance.
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i'm so sorry, dear. this sounds really hard.
ReplyDeleteas for your two sweet nieces, they are lucky to have such wonderful aunts and other family members to balance out their mother. it does make a difference. i teach high school so i see a lot of kids and parents. some of the ones with messed up parents turn out just like them. a lot of them don't. at least every and her sister have some positive role models and unconditional love in their lives, even if it isn't coming from their parents.
((hugs and love))
Oh god, that sounds so hard. It would be hard even if you weren't TTC, but of course that makes it just so much harder. I agree with Pom, those girls are very lucky to have you both in their lives and it will make such a huge difference as they grow up. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you guys are given the chance too! I feel ya though, I have a cousin who knew we wanted to adopt, told us she was going to give us her twins, and then decide at the last minute that she would rather them live with her in the homeless shelter...WTF? I know where your at I really do and I am wishing and hoping for you guys that you get to prove your parenting skills and soon!
ReplyDeleteDamn that really sucks. It's frustrating to see ppl with kids who dont respect or appreciate motherhood. I feel that way all the time. You know you can do a better job but because we arent working with the things as straight ppl, we have to go through certain obstacles.
ReplyDeleteYoull get your chance to love and cherish a little one. I hope and pray that it works out.
found your blog through defining family and I have to say that alot of what you posted resonated with me. My sister too has 2 lovely kids (a son 6 and daughter 2) and pretty much sounds like your sister. And then she had a child between the two that she gave up for adoption! We are trying so hard just to have one and our sisters don't appreciate the joy they are blessed with.
ReplyDeleteI agree with pomegranate that your nieces are lucky to have you and Tatiana! And...ps I know you will be able to stick to your new years resolution!
Thanks everyone for the support. I really hate to bad mouth my sister but I sometimes just can't help but feel like I could do better.
ReplyDeletePomegranate--if you read this, I am following along but cannot leave comments because I don't have a wordpress account. Please keep me in mind if/when you do the post about the vacation. I would love to hear all about it. My email is butchdandy(at)yahoo.