I just wanted to remind everyone that you can find me over at wordpress now. Here's the new address:

http://creatingourowndestiny.wordpress.com

I hope to see you there!

p.s. there will be baby photos there soon! I'm being induced on 10/10! Hopefully that will entice you all to follow along :)

It's official....

blogger sucks and I've moved over to WordPress! It won't let me link it but here's the new place.

http://creatingourowndestiny.wordpress.com/

I'm so happy with how our appt went yesterday. First and foremost, the biophysical profile of Sweet Lou came back showing that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. If you remember we had to do the u/s because at our last appt his heart rate kept dropping out which led the dr to schedule the u/s to see why. It turns out there is nothing wrong and he just apparently didn't have time for us that day. We heard his heartbeat yesterday and it was loud, strong, and steady, absolute music to our ears. During the u/s we were told that we had a big boy and that he was measuring in the 78% which led my wife to worry that maybe I had GD. Well we got the test results back yesterday and I passed with flying colors. I am measuring a week ahead and have only gained 13 pounds so far and I'll be at 30 weeks this Sunday. Overall the doc is happy with my progress and told me that I'm handling the pregnancy well. My only real complaint is indigestion which a few tu.ms and pril.osec take care of for me. People keep saying that I don't look pregnant and I even got called sir yesterday but I am starting to feel it. I feel like I'm huge but I guess others don't see it. I'm also not wearing maternity shirts which I guess just makes me look like a fat guy but I'm ok with that. Those shirts are hideous and I'm glad I'm still wearing my own shirts. They're getting shorter though so I may have to start looking for options soon. Here's a picture from last week so you be the judge. Pregnant woman or fat man?

I don't know about you but blogger is starting to really piss me off! The last couple of weeks I couldn't post comments on some of your pages and today it won't let me upload pictures. I'm thinking about jumping ship to wordpress. For all you wp people is it worth it? I have an account so I can comment on your blogs but that's my extent of wp knowledge. Was it easy to transfer over? Any tips would be appreciated because blogger is sure making it hard to blog!

All is good here with me and Sweet Lou. I have an appt on Thursday so I'll post after that. For now I'm just pissed at blogger!

Sweet Lou is A-OK!

What a relief, Sweet Lou is fine! Apparently, he is big and active and doesn't have time to sit around and let us listen to his heart rate. He is measuring a week ahead and weighs 2lbs 12oz and is in the 78% percentile for his size! I sure hope this doesn't mean I have gestational diabetes. I passed the first glucose test back at 13 weeks and took another one this past weekend so we are awaiting those results. He was moving and shaking and still has boy parts which is good since we have come to love the thought of a little boy. Plus, we'd have us one butch little girl if she had called it wrong the first time. Our boy has a closet full of the cutest little clothes. Thank you everyone for reassuring me that he was fine. He is fine and we couldn't be happier. Plus, we love the new pics we got of our Sweet Lou. He is big, active, and bald according to the tech and we couldn't be more in love. I posted my favorite pic below so hopefully you guys can spot him. It's a front view of his face in the upper right corner. His nose looks funny cause it's pressed against me. He is head down, butt up, and his legs are on my left side which explains why I feel him there most. We think he's just absolutely gorgeous and cannot wait to meet him. We have another appt Aug 4th so hopefully the Dr will confirm what we already think...that he's perfect!

Without further adieu, I give you Sweet Lou!

Tomorrow is our u/s and it can't get here fast enough. I have been trying not to stress but I can't imagine anything being wrong with our little boy who we already love so much. He's been moving around like normal which helps to calm our nerves but any time I don't feel him move I start to worry. Our appt is at 8:20 tomorrow morning and that can't get here soon enough. Hopefully, all will be well and this will just be another opportunity to see our boy and get some more pictures. I'm hoping like all of you said that the doctor is just erring on the side of caution. I'll update you as soon as I can. Thanks for all the support.

trying not to freak out...

We went to the doctor yesterday to check on Sweet Lou and it seems that something may be wrong. The Dr listened to his heart rate and told us that she doesn't like how it keeps decelerating and she wants to find out why that is. When we went to the ER on 7/2 and he was doing it then too but the nurse just told us he was being active and we didn't think anything else about it. The Dr said she doesn't think it's anything to worry about but ordered a biophysical ultrasound just to be sure. She told us to keep track of his movements and to call if he hasn't moved like he normally does. Our u/s is scheduled for Tuesday at 8:20am. I don't know how in the world we will survive that long worrying about our Sweet Lou. He's moving around a lot so that makes us feel better. We keep telling ourselves that he's fine but you just never know. My sister had a similar scare when they couldn't find my niece's heartbeat at all and then the u/s showed she was fine. I just wish we didn't have to wait until Tuesday for answers. Has anyone else experienced this? I am freaked out beyond words.

I came across this onesie and just love it. I may have to get it for Sweet Lou!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/kids/e74b/#tabs

One of my coworkers died over the weekend and it's made everyone here at work, including me, incredibly sad. It was unexpected as no one even knew he was sick. He hid his cancer and didn't tell anyone and lost his fight on Saturday. Not only was he a great person to work with personally but his loss will be felt by our University professionally as well. He had a true vision and helped to guide many instructors and he developed many of our programs here that we have launched recently. He was so young, in his 40's, which has had me thinking even more today then I have been recently.

I've been thinking about our son and how old I will be when he hits certain milestones. When he graduates from high school I will be 54. That doesn't seem old but then again it does. My parents had me at 21. They are in their late 50's now and I'm 35. I will be their age with a 20 year old, not a 35 old and I can't help but wonder what he will miss out on. Inevitably, he will lose his parents at a young age and that saddens me. I know no one knows when they will die but I look at my grandparents and other older relatives and how long they have been in my life and he won't have that. My beloved grandmother has been there for the last 35 years and unless my parents live into their 90's, he won't have that either. And then for Ani to die in his 40's, my god. What will become of our son if one of us dies in our 40's? He will be around 10 years old unlike if one of my parents (god forbid) have died in their 40's I would have been in my 20's. I look at my sister who is 25 with an almost 7 year old and a 7 month old and can't help but to feel a little jealous of all the time she will have in their lives. Even if I live to be 70 I only get 35 years with our sweet boy. Does anyone else have these thoughts or is just me? It's crossed my mind a few times but it really hit home today with Ani dying. And don't even get me started on 2.0 which as of now we plan on going for. He'll get 2-3 years less time!

In other news, our boy is good. We've taken to calling him Sweet Lou instead of Cupcake. We did have a scare over the 4th of July weekend and had to go to the emergency room but it turns out he is fine which is all that matters. I've been having really sharp pains on my left side which come and go and also hang around for a few hours too which has been lots of fun. They diagnosed it as round ligament pain which I don't agree with but as long as Sweet Lou is good I'll take it. I have an appt tomorrow so I'm going to talk to my doctor about it.

Our 4th was good, we had a long weekend and I had a break at work since the students were out on summer break. It was nice to relax but now it's back to the grind. It was also the birthday and anniversary of the death of my wife's grandfather so that was sad. My wife and her abuelito were incredibly close and our son is being named after him. Which means that yes, we have a name for our sweet boy. I hit 26 weeks yesterday and I still can't believe he will be here so soon. My wife and mom also booked the place for our shower which is being held on 8/20.

That's about it for my world, I hope your world is good.

We started our baby registry last night. We really have no idea what we need but I think we have a really good start. If anyone can think of any must haves please let us know because we are clueless. We're also signed up for a birth class at the hospital on 7/24 so that should be interesting.

Everything else is moving right along. I feel him move all the time and I love when my wife can feel him too. We hit 24 weeks last Sunday and I can't believe that I have been pregnant for 6 months! What is even crazier is that our boy will be here in about 4 months! My wife is taking next week off to clear out his room and his crib is being delivered the first week of August thanks to his Pop and Grandma. After that we have 2 showers in August and then we're in the homestretch. I think time is going to fly yet stand still at the same time. We both work together and our work people are throwing us a surprise shower in early August. We only know this because my mother can't keep a secret. I'm ok with it though because I'd rather not be surprised. My mom is throwing us a shower at the end of August with our family and friends so we're looking forward to that as well. After the showers we'll have the month of September to get everything else that we think we'll need to welcome our son in October!

I'm still feeling good but heartburn and back pain have set in. It's also getting more difficult to sleep because I can't figure out which side is less sore for me to lay on. All in all though it hasn't been too bad and we're more excited then anything else. We are so in love with this little guy and cannot wait to meet him!

drumroll please........

IT'S A BOY!!!!

As you can see we are having us a boy and we couldn't be more excited! We both said boy from the very beginning but then everyone around us said girl so we didn't know what to think. We were starting to believe the hype and everyone at the party, including us, were expecting to see pink but nope! We had said that morning that even though we both thought boy we would be shocked to see blue and that's exactly what happened. We are having a son and we couldn't be happier. The party was a lot of fun and we're glad we found out along with everyone else. We had just family and our closest friends there and it was really special. We also decorated onesies and bibs and we have a lot of great designs that we can't wait to see our little guy in. I'm still feeling good but the heartburn and indigestion is starting to kick in but so far the tums works. He's also an active little guy around 6am for the last couple of days which has been really cool because we lay there in bed and just feel him kick us. We can't believe how happy we are and we can't wait to meet him. We feel truly blessed to be welcoming a son into our family.

Well, it feels like forever since I posted anything. All is good here though. We had an appt yesterday and I have gained 2lbs in the last month. This brings my grand total to 8lbs but it's really -2lbs since I lost 10lbs in the first couple of weeks. I feel good, have more energy, and I'm still sleeping good so I really have no complaints. Cupcake is starting to move around a lot and my wife has been able to feel him a couple of times. I say "him" but we don't know yet. Our gender party is set for this Saturday and I'm getting excited to find out what we're having. I don't have a feeling either way but since everyone we know has said girl I think I'm leaning that way. I really don't care either way but having a girl will be so foreign to me. I have a 6yr old niece who just confuses the hell out of me with all of her babble about boys, hair, and "girlie girl" stuff as she calls it. It will be ok either way. I just feel like I could relate to a boy better but I really do not care. i just want a healthy baby. Ideally we would like one of each so which ever comes first is ok with us. And, yes as of right now we plan to try for #2 when #1 is about 18 months old.

Like I said, we've had a lot going on. The weekend before Memorial Day I went to Miami to see my Granma. She is 85 years old and I've never told her I was gay but if you know me it's pretty obvious. She has been so excited about this baby though and we talked about my wife, her family's reaction, the donor, everything that I never imagined discussing with her. She even told me that my uncle told her we got married. I feel kind of bad for not giving her more credit. I just never wanted to upset her because we're really close. She is truly one of my most favorite people. This brings me to my wife's family. They have officially disowned her because of the baby. My wife and her mother have the same nail girl so this all came from the nail girl, not my mother-in-law. My wife went in to get her nails done and the nail girl proceeded to tell her how she can't believe her parents don't want anything to do with her anymore. She said that her parents said that if they accept this baby then they are accepting her lifestyle which they cannot do. It's sad really but my wife is handling it quite well. They only had a superficial relationship anyway so it's not a big loss for her. She met them for dinner once a week but they knew nothing about her. All they did was give her a hard time if my name or the "gay thing" was ever brought up. They don't even know we bought a house or have dogs for that matter, that's how little my wife shares with them. She says she feels liberated but I know it has to hurt. She called her Mom on Mother's Day and never even received a call back. It was only a couple of weeks later that she heard through the nail girl they want nothing to do with her.

We had a great time in NC over Memorial Day. It was my parents, 6 of us kids, and my 2 nieces. I actually fell in love with my 5 month old niece and realized that we will have our own baby soon. My mom even said that she can't wait for next year (this is our annual thing) because she will have 3 grand kids, a 7 year old, 17 month old, and a 7 month old. How crazy to think this time next year we will have a 7 month old! We also went to Epcot for Gay Days here and I made it around the park with no problem. The baby even kicked like crazy during Captain EO which is a 3d Michael Jackson show. I hope all is well with my friends out there and I wanted to congratulate Pom and Dragon on their precious little boy. I'll post pictures of our gender party this weekend!

We had our anatomy scan on Tuesday and we got some really cute pictures. I love the little feet which I just had to post. They were able to tell the gender so we have it written down in a sealed envelope just waiting to be dropped off at the bakery. Our gender party is officially on for 6/18 since we have the gender now. I'm thinking it's a girl, but we'll see. I thought boy all along but switched to girl within the last few weeks for some reason. We'll be finding out soon enough and I cannot wait! We're headed to a family gathering in Brevard, NC this weekend and we cannot wait to get away. It will be my parents and all 6 of us kids and our other halves plus my 2 sweet nieces who are 6 and 5 months. It should be a good time. Or I will be totally annoyed by my family and over all this togetherness by the end of the weekend. It could go either way really. Without further adieu, here are pictures of our gorgeous Cupcake!

I wish everyone a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend! And thank you to all the vets who have sacrificed for our freedom.

That's right folks....the ticker is up, so it's officially official! We're having us a baby!!!

Holy Fatness!

I can't believe I'm showing you guys this, but I'm finally starting to show. I know I just look fat but trust me, that's not how I used to look. We had a doctor's appt this past Tuesday and I have gained 3lbs since my last appt on 4/19. It seems that I have gotten huge overnight. Just this week 3 pairs of dress pants no longer fit me.

Our anatomy scan is scheduled for this Tuesday and I can't wait to see our little Cupcake again. I can't even imagine how much s/he has grown since the last time we caught a peek at 13 weeks. I just hope nothing flashes on the screen to give away the sex. I do hope the tech can see though because we need that in order to proceed with our gender party on 6/18. I can only imagine how bad that envelope will be burning our little hands once we have it. All I know is that it's being dropped off at the bakery the first chance we get!

I'll post some pictures of our delicious Cupcake next week!

I'm such a bad blogger. I haven't posted anything in weeks and I don't even have a reason why. This pregnancy thing has made me kind of a hermit. I feel like I'm tired all the time and besides work, I have little time or energy for little else. By all means am I complaining! I'll be 18 weeks this coming Sunday and I'm starting to look really fat! My pants are getting tight so I see some new work pants in my very near future. Pants shouldn't be an issue to find but I'm starting to think I'll never find any shirts that I like. I identify as butch and maternity clothes most definitely do not. My mom did find me 2 shirts that will work but I can't exactly alternate those 2 shirts for a 5 day work week. I look all the time when we're out and I really have no clue what I'm going to wear. My mother has also taken it on as her mission to find me clothes and it really bothers her to think I'll have nothing to wear. If anyone knows where I can find some plain, simple polos that would be great. I found some at a maternity store but the colors are horrible. Since its summer the clerk told us everything is going to be bright and pastel. Gross. Some of the simple t-shirts aren't bad but then they either have a scoop neck and/or very short sleeves. I wear all men's clothes so this will definitely be a chore to find some tops! I figure outside of work I'll be ok because I can just wear basketball shorts and t-shirts but I will need some work outfits. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

In other news, we have an appt next Tuesday with the ob. I hope she will give me my results from the NT scan and blood work I had to do because I want to know my chances that everyone talks about. I'm not really worried about it and we have already said we won't do an amnio. We figure whatever God gave us is what he meant to but it would be nice to finally get the results. We're also going to schedule our anatomy scan so we can find out what sex our little Cupcake is. I've had 2 dreams that we were told it was a girl but last night I dreamed that we had a boy and it was in baby form in my dream so who knows. I still think it's a boy but we really don't care either way. We really just want to find out so we can start planning our gender party. As long as Cupcake cooperates and shows us the goods we're doing it 6/18. My dad, step-mom, and sister are even coming in from Atlanta because they are that excited. My dad and brother are going to go fishing afterward but my step-mom and sister are on a mission to do some shopping. My dad and step-mom even offered to buy the crib we found which is so very nice of them.

I hope all is well with the rest of you out there!

14 weeks

I still have a hard time believing that I am actually pregnant. I just never thought, ever, that I would be having a baby. We went to the doctor yesterday and it just amazed me to hear the heartbeat, to have that confirmation that yes there is a baby in there. Everything checked out fine, I passed the glucose test, weight and blood pressure were good. I'm still down 5lbs from when we started this process so I guess being pregnant has been a good weight loss plan so far. I haven't gained or loss since about week 6 which the doc is ok with. I have another appt on 5/17 and then the big anatomy scan will be early June. My pants are starting to get a little tight and my boobs are huge, but other then that no sign of showing anytime soon. The m/s is starting to let up, thankfully I never had it too bad and only puked once. I'm still tired though and 10 hours a night of sleep has been my norm since the beginning.

Once we find out the gender we will be having a gender party to reveal to our family and close friends, as well as us, as to what we will be having. We're going to have the tech write down the gender and seal it in an envelope for us. Once we have that we're going to take it to the same baker who did our bridal shower and wedding cake to make a cake for us. We're thinking green with question marks all over it. Then we'll have our family and close friends over to decorate onesies and to find out what we're having. Once we cut the cake it will be either pink or blue. I feel that this is a good compromise since I didn't want to find out and my wife did. Don't tell her but the more we look at baby stuff, the easier I feel it will be to shop if we do find out. If anyone else has done a gender party I'm open to ideas and would love to hear what you did for yours.

13 weeks....wow

We went in for the NT scan today and it was so amazing to see cupcake again! The last time we got to see him/her was at 9weeks and boy did s/he change. Cupcake actually looks like a baby now. We got this really cool profile picture and you can see the ear, nose, and lips. Then we got to see him laying there with his legs crossed and and a hand behind his head. We're just convinced that cupcake is the cutest fetus ever! The tech told us the measurements of the back of the head were in the normal range which was good to hear. She also asked us if we'd like to know the gender because she would look if we wanted her to. We freaked out and said no. I don't think we were prepared to have that option so early. We kept hearing we had to wait between 16 and 20 weeks. We plan on finding out but we're going to do it so that the whole family finds out at the same time. We have an appt next week so I guess the doc will tell us when we can find out the gender so we can plan our gender party. I didn't want to find out but my wife wants to so I think this is a good compromise. Plus it does add some excitement and the family keeps talking about the gender party and when it will be. Even my Dad, step mom, and sister are planning to come into town so that will be nice. I'm feeling better but actually puked for the first time this past Sunday and of course we were at church too! At least I made it to the bathroom, but of all places...really?? I'm still tired but stayed up until 10pm last Friday night so that was a welcome change. My poor wife told me she gets so bored with me going to bed at 9pm every night. I told her to try and enjoy the quiet time because we're certainly in for it come October.

In other news, I'm so proud of my Granma! Me and my Granma have always been really tight. I've never had the "I'm gay" talk with her but she of course knows. PLUS, I'm butch so umm yeah, it's not too hard to figure out. She loves my wife and always asks about her when I talk to her and my wife always come with me for family functions. Now when I told Granma I was pregnant I didn't know how she would react but she has seemed fine with it. She asks me how I'm feeling and is pushing for me to have the baby 10/9 (my due date is 10/16) because that was my Grandpa's birthday. I called Granma yesterday and we were chatting and when she asked about my sweet wife, I told her she was at her parent's house. My Granma then out of nowhere asks if my wife's parents were excited about their new grand baby. I was completely shocked. When I told her I was pregnant I didn't say my wife and I having a baby, I just said that I was pregnant. I told Granma that my wife hasn't told her parents yet but that they likely won't want anything to do with it. She was just in complete shock by this and told me she can't understand how anyone could turn their back on their grand baby. I guess my Granma is more progressive then I thought and that only makes me love her more. Not bad for an 85 year old lady from the backwoods of Alabama!

It feels like it's been forever since I wrote anything and I apologize. We're just plugging along here. Work has been crazy as always plus we had some pretty wicked weather here in Central Florida. These crazy thunderstorms moved through Wednesday afternoon and work actually sent us home early because it was so nasty out. I get home and my recycling bin is 4 houses down so I go get that. Then my neighbor comes out and tells me she has a tree down in her backyard which took a power line out which meant our whole block had no power. It turned out not be just our block as the traffic lights down the main street near our house were all out too. It took 27 hours before our power came back on. It was pretty miserable sleeping with the windows open that night because it stormed all night, we heard every train that went by, and our neighbors got into a screaming match at 2am. So needless to say we got little sleep. It continued to rain all day yesterday and it looks like we have more on the way today. I'm just glad our power is back on.

In other news, I can't believe that we will hit the 12 week mark this Sunday! I'm starting to feel less tired and I have a better appetite but I still feel queasy sometimes. My new love is lemons which is funny because my Mom said she ate those constantly while pregnant with me. We also bought a stroller. My wife has been on a stroller kick and we have been looking at them all over town. She has requirements for this stroller and she found one that she just loves. Now I didn't want to purchase one this early but I do love me a deal. The company is running a promotion that if you purchase the stroller you get the infant car seat free. The stroller is $500 so initially I told her NO but then the promotion came out which does save us $229 for the seat so I told her I would think about it. Then she found it on amazon for $400 and they will honor the promotion so we went for it. I figure we got a $750 stroller and car seat for $400 and that makes me happy. It also makes me nervous that we just bought a stroller. Our NT scan is scheduled for 4/11 and I'm starting to feel like this is pretty real and will result in a baby actually riding in that stroller come October. Plus, we have 30 days to return it for a full refund if something happens. I still get so nervous before my appts like this is all a dream and they will tell me that it's not real. I just really want to sneak a peek at cupcake since we haven't seen him/her since we were 9 weeks! It feels like an eternity and I can't wait to see how much s/he has changed in the last 4 weeks. I guess we'll find out in about 10 days.

Someone else that has been on my mind is Linus. I pray for him and his family everyday. I can't even imagine what they are going through. Stay strong Linus, everyone is pulling for you buddy.

1st OB visit

We had our 1st OB visit today and it was very anticlimactic! We were hoping to see our little cupcake but NO! We went in and filled out forms and were told we owe them $675 by 6/24 which is what we will owe them after insurance. I also got to have a pap smear and std test. The Dr is nice and she is my gyn so I'm used to her. They also gave me a flu shot and scheduled me for the NT test on 4/11. I can't believe we have to wait that long to see cupcake again! They scheduled me for some lab work and I have to do the glucose test now apparently because I'll be 35 when I deliver. Apparently, that is the magic number or "advanced maternal age" as the doc called it. Fuck that, it means I waited for the right person and am financially sound so I'm ready to have a baby. I need to call the lab and schedule the blood work and glucose test and then I go back for a prenatal visit on 4/19. So I guess that means all is well but I'm still a little bummed that she didn't even want to see my beautiful baby cause I know we were both hoping for a peek. She also changed my due date to 10/19 but I'm sticking with what the RE said which is 10/16. The ob is going off my last period and the re is going off my ovulation. I took the damn trigger shot so I guess he knows better then her when I ovulated. So here we are at 10wks 2 days according to the RE or 9wks 6 days according to the ob.