I just wanted to remind everyone that you can find me over at wordpress now. Here's the new address:

http://creatingourowndestiny.wordpress.com

I hope to see you there!

p.s. there will be baby photos there soon! I'm being induced on 10/10! Hopefully that will entice you all to follow along :)

It's official....

blogger sucks and I've moved over to WordPress! It won't let me link it but here's the new place.

http://creatingourowndestiny.wordpress.com/

I'm so happy with how our appt went yesterday. First and foremost, the biophysical profile of Sweet Lou came back showing that there is absolutely nothing wrong with him. If you remember we had to do the u/s because at our last appt his heart rate kept dropping out which led the dr to schedule the u/s to see why. It turns out there is nothing wrong and he just apparently didn't have time for us that day. We heard his heartbeat yesterday and it was loud, strong, and steady, absolute music to our ears. During the u/s we were told that we had a big boy and that he was measuring in the 78% which led my wife to worry that maybe I had GD. Well we got the test results back yesterday and I passed with flying colors. I am measuring a week ahead and have only gained 13 pounds so far and I'll be at 30 weeks this Sunday. Overall the doc is happy with my progress and told me that I'm handling the pregnancy well. My only real complaint is indigestion which a few tu.ms and pril.osec take care of for me. People keep saying that I don't look pregnant and I even got called sir yesterday but I am starting to feel it. I feel like I'm huge but I guess others don't see it. I'm also not wearing maternity shirts which I guess just makes me look like a fat guy but I'm ok with that. Those shirts are hideous and I'm glad I'm still wearing my own shirts. They're getting shorter though so I may have to start looking for options soon. Here's a picture from last week so you be the judge. Pregnant woman or fat man?

I don't know about you but blogger is starting to really piss me off! The last couple of weeks I couldn't post comments on some of your pages and today it won't let me upload pictures. I'm thinking about jumping ship to wordpress. For all you wp people is it worth it? I have an account so I can comment on your blogs but that's my extent of wp knowledge. Was it easy to transfer over? Any tips would be appreciated because blogger is sure making it hard to blog!

All is good here with me and Sweet Lou. I have an appt on Thursday so I'll post after that. For now I'm just pissed at blogger!

Sweet Lou is A-OK!

What a relief, Sweet Lou is fine! Apparently, he is big and active and doesn't have time to sit around and let us listen to his heart rate. He is measuring a week ahead and weighs 2lbs 12oz and is in the 78% percentile for his size! I sure hope this doesn't mean I have gestational diabetes. I passed the first glucose test back at 13 weeks and took another one this past weekend so we are awaiting those results. He was moving and shaking and still has boy parts which is good since we have come to love the thought of a little boy. Plus, we'd have us one butch little girl if she had called it wrong the first time. Our boy has a closet full of the cutest little clothes. Thank you everyone for reassuring me that he was fine. He is fine and we couldn't be happier. Plus, we love the new pics we got of our Sweet Lou. He is big, active, and bald according to the tech and we couldn't be more in love. I posted my favorite pic below so hopefully you guys can spot him. It's a front view of his face in the upper right corner. His nose looks funny cause it's pressed against me. He is head down, butt up, and his legs are on my left side which explains why I feel him there most. We think he's just absolutely gorgeous and cannot wait to meet him. We have another appt Aug 4th so hopefully the Dr will confirm what we already think...that he's perfect!

Without further adieu, I give you Sweet Lou!

Tomorrow is our u/s and it can't get here fast enough. I have been trying not to stress but I can't imagine anything being wrong with our little boy who we already love so much. He's been moving around like normal which helps to calm our nerves but any time I don't feel him move I start to worry. Our appt is at 8:20 tomorrow morning and that can't get here soon enough. Hopefully, all will be well and this will just be another opportunity to see our boy and get some more pictures. I'm hoping like all of you said that the doctor is just erring on the side of caution. I'll update you as soon as I can. Thanks for all the support.

trying not to freak out...

We went to the doctor yesterday to check on Sweet Lou and it seems that something may be wrong. The Dr listened to his heart rate and told us that she doesn't like how it keeps decelerating and she wants to find out why that is. When we went to the ER on 7/2 and he was doing it then too but the nurse just told us he was being active and we didn't think anything else about it. The Dr said she doesn't think it's anything to worry about but ordered a biophysical ultrasound just to be sure. She told us to keep track of his movements and to call if he hasn't moved like he normally does. Our u/s is scheduled for Tuesday at 8:20am. I don't know how in the world we will survive that long worrying about our Sweet Lou. He's moving around a lot so that makes us feel better. We keep telling ourselves that he's fine but you just never know. My sister had a similar scare when they couldn't find my niece's heartbeat at all and then the u/s showed she was fine. I just wish we didn't have to wait until Tuesday for answers. Has anyone else experienced this? I am freaked out beyond words.

I came across this onesie and just love it. I may have to get it for Sweet Lou!

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/kids/e74b/#tabs

One of my coworkers died over the weekend and it's made everyone here at work, including me, incredibly sad. It was unexpected as no one even knew he was sick. He hid his cancer and didn't tell anyone and lost his fight on Saturday. Not only was he a great person to work with personally but his loss will be felt by our University professionally as well. He had a true vision and helped to guide many instructors and he developed many of our programs here that we have launched recently. He was so young, in his 40's, which has had me thinking even more today then I have been recently.

I've been thinking about our son and how old I will be when he hits certain milestones. When he graduates from high school I will be 54. That doesn't seem old but then again it does. My parents had me at 21. They are in their late 50's now and I'm 35. I will be their age with a 20 year old, not a 35 old and I can't help but wonder what he will miss out on. Inevitably, he will lose his parents at a young age and that saddens me. I know no one knows when they will die but I look at my grandparents and other older relatives and how long they have been in my life and he won't have that. My beloved grandmother has been there for the last 35 years and unless my parents live into their 90's, he won't have that either. And then for Ani to die in his 40's, my god. What will become of our son if one of us dies in our 40's? He will be around 10 years old unlike if one of my parents (god forbid) have died in their 40's I would have been in my 20's. I look at my sister who is 25 with an almost 7 year old and a 7 month old and can't help but to feel a little jealous of all the time she will have in their lives. Even if I live to be 70 I only get 35 years with our sweet boy. Does anyone else have these thoughts or is just me? It's crossed my mind a few times but it really hit home today with Ani dying. And don't even get me started on 2.0 which as of now we plan on going for. He'll get 2-3 years less time!

In other news, our boy is good. We've taken to calling him Sweet Lou instead of Cupcake. We did have a scare over the 4th of July weekend and had to go to the emergency room but it turns out he is fine which is all that matters. I've been having really sharp pains on my left side which come and go and also hang around for a few hours too which has been lots of fun. They diagnosed it as round ligament pain which I don't agree with but as long as Sweet Lou is good I'll take it. I have an appt tomorrow so I'm going to talk to my doctor about it.

Our 4th was good, we had a long weekend and I had a break at work since the students were out on summer break. It was nice to relax but now it's back to the grind. It was also the birthday and anniversary of the death of my wife's grandfather so that was sad. My wife and her abuelito were incredibly close and our son is being named after him. Which means that yes, we have a name for our sweet boy. I hit 26 weeks yesterday and I still can't believe he will be here so soon. My wife and mom also booked the place for our shower which is being held on 8/20.

That's about it for my world, I hope your world is good.

We started our baby registry last night. We really have no idea what we need but I think we have a really good start. If anyone can think of any must haves please let us know because we are clueless. We're also signed up for a birth class at the hospital on 7/24 so that should be interesting.

Everything else is moving right along. I feel him move all the time and I love when my wife can feel him too. We hit 24 weeks last Sunday and I can't believe that I have been pregnant for 6 months! What is even crazier is that our boy will be here in about 4 months! My wife is taking next week off to clear out his room and his crib is being delivered the first week of August thanks to his Pop and Grandma. After that we have 2 showers in August and then we're in the homestretch. I think time is going to fly yet stand still at the same time. We both work together and our work people are throwing us a surprise shower in early August. We only know this because my mother can't keep a secret. I'm ok with it though because I'd rather not be surprised. My mom is throwing us a shower at the end of August with our family and friends so we're looking forward to that as well. After the showers we'll have the month of September to get everything else that we think we'll need to welcome our son in October!

I'm still feeling good but heartburn and back pain have set in. It's also getting more difficult to sleep because I can't figure out which side is less sore for me to lay on. All in all though it hasn't been too bad and we're more excited then anything else. We are so in love with this little guy and cannot wait to meet him!

drumroll please........

IT'S A BOY!!!!

As you can see we are having us a boy and we couldn't be more excited! We both said boy from the very beginning but then everyone around us said girl so we didn't know what to think. We were starting to believe the hype and everyone at the party, including us, were expecting to see pink but nope! We had said that morning that even though we both thought boy we would be shocked to see blue and that's exactly what happened. We are having a son and we couldn't be happier. The party was a lot of fun and we're glad we found out along with everyone else. We had just family and our closest friends there and it was really special. We also decorated onesies and bibs and we have a lot of great designs that we can't wait to see our little guy in. I'm still feeling good but the heartburn and indigestion is starting to kick in but so far the tums works. He's also an active little guy around 6am for the last couple of days which has been really cool because we lay there in bed and just feel him kick us. We can't believe how happy we are and we can't wait to meet him. We feel truly blessed to be welcoming a son into our family.

Well, it feels like forever since I posted anything. All is good here though. We had an appt yesterday and I have gained 2lbs in the last month. This brings my grand total to 8lbs but it's really -2lbs since I lost 10lbs in the first couple of weeks. I feel good, have more energy, and I'm still sleeping good so I really have no complaints. Cupcake is starting to move around a lot and my wife has been able to feel him a couple of times. I say "him" but we don't know yet. Our gender party is set for this Saturday and I'm getting excited to find out what we're having. I don't have a feeling either way but since everyone we know has said girl I think I'm leaning that way. I really don't care either way but having a girl will be so foreign to me. I have a 6yr old niece who just confuses the hell out of me with all of her babble about boys, hair, and "girlie girl" stuff as she calls it. It will be ok either way. I just feel like I could relate to a boy better but I really do not care. i just want a healthy baby. Ideally we would like one of each so which ever comes first is ok with us. And, yes as of right now we plan to try for #2 when #1 is about 18 months old.

Like I said, we've had a lot going on. The weekend before Memorial Day I went to Miami to see my Granma. She is 85 years old and I've never told her I was gay but if you know me it's pretty obvious. She has been so excited about this baby though and we talked about my wife, her family's reaction, the donor, everything that I never imagined discussing with her. She even told me that my uncle told her we got married. I feel kind of bad for not giving her more credit. I just never wanted to upset her because we're really close. She is truly one of my most favorite people. This brings me to my wife's family. They have officially disowned her because of the baby. My wife and her mother have the same nail girl so this all came from the nail girl, not my mother-in-law. My wife went in to get her nails done and the nail girl proceeded to tell her how she can't believe her parents don't want anything to do with her anymore. She said that her parents said that if they accept this baby then they are accepting her lifestyle which they cannot do. It's sad really but my wife is handling it quite well. They only had a superficial relationship anyway so it's not a big loss for her. She met them for dinner once a week but they knew nothing about her. All they did was give her a hard time if my name or the "gay thing" was ever brought up. They don't even know we bought a house or have dogs for that matter, that's how little my wife shares with them. She says she feels liberated but I know it has to hurt. She called her Mom on Mother's Day and never even received a call back. It was only a couple of weeks later that she heard through the nail girl they want nothing to do with her.

We had a great time in NC over Memorial Day. It was my parents, 6 of us kids, and my 2 nieces. I actually fell in love with my 5 month old niece and realized that we will have our own baby soon. My mom even said that she can't wait for next year (this is our annual thing) because she will have 3 grand kids, a 7 year old, 17 month old, and a 7 month old. How crazy to think this time next year we will have a 7 month old! We also went to Epcot for Gay Days here and I made it around the park with no problem. The baby even kicked like crazy during Captain EO which is a 3d Michael Jackson show. I hope all is well with my friends out there and I wanted to congratulate Pom and Dragon on their precious little boy. I'll post pictures of our gender party this weekend!

We had our anatomy scan on Tuesday and we got some really cute pictures. I love the little feet which I just had to post. They were able to tell the gender so we have it written down in a sealed envelope just waiting to be dropped off at the bakery. Our gender party is officially on for 6/18 since we have the gender now. I'm thinking it's a girl, but we'll see. I thought boy all along but switched to girl within the last few weeks for some reason. We'll be finding out soon enough and I cannot wait! We're headed to a family gathering in Brevard, NC this weekend and we cannot wait to get away. It will be my parents and all 6 of us kids and our other halves plus my 2 sweet nieces who are 6 and 5 months. It should be a good time. Or I will be totally annoyed by my family and over all this togetherness by the end of the weekend. It could go either way really. Without further adieu, here are pictures of our gorgeous Cupcake!

I wish everyone a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend! And thank you to all the vets who have sacrificed for our freedom.

That's right folks....the ticker is up, so it's officially official! We're having us a baby!!!

Holy Fatness!

I can't believe I'm showing you guys this, but I'm finally starting to show. I know I just look fat but trust me, that's not how I used to look. We had a doctor's appt this past Tuesday and I have gained 3lbs since my last appt on 4/19. It seems that I have gotten huge overnight. Just this week 3 pairs of dress pants no longer fit me.

Our anatomy scan is scheduled for this Tuesday and I can't wait to see our little Cupcake again. I can't even imagine how much s/he has grown since the last time we caught a peek at 13 weeks. I just hope nothing flashes on the screen to give away the sex. I do hope the tech can see though because we need that in order to proceed with our gender party on 6/18. I can only imagine how bad that envelope will be burning our little hands once we have it. All I know is that it's being dropped off at the bakery the first chance we get!

I'll post some pictures of our delicious Cupcake next week!

I'm such a bad blogger. I haven't posted anything in weeks and I don't even have a reason why. This pregnancy thing has made me kind of a hermit. I feel like I'm tired all the time and besides work, I have little time or energy for little else. By all means am I complaining! I'll be 18 weeks this coming Sunday and I'm starting to look really fat! My pants are getting tight so I see some new work pants in my very near future. Pants shouldn't be an issue to find but I'm starting to think I'll never find any shirts that I like. I identify as butch and maternity clothes most definitely do not. My mom did find me 2 shirts that will work but I can't exactly alternate those 2 shirts for a 5 day work week. I look all the time when we're out and I really have no clue what I'm going to wear. My mother has also taken it on as her mission to find me clothes and it really bothers her to think I'll have nothing to wear. If anyone knows where I can find some plain, simple polos that would be great. I found some at a maternity store but the colors are horrible. Since its summer the clerk told us everything is going to be bright and pastel. Gross. Some of the simple t-shirts aren't bad but then they either have a scoop neck and/or very short sleeves. I wear all men's clothes so this will definitely be a chore to find some tops! I figure outside of work I'll be ok because I can just wear basketball shorts and t-shirts but I will need some work outfits. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

In other news, we have an appt next Tuesday with the ob. I hope she will give me my results from the NT scan and blood work I had to do because I want to know my chances that everyone talks about. I'm not really worried about it and we have already said we won't do an amnio. We figure whatever God gave us is what he meant to but it would be nice to finally get the results. We're also going to schedule our anatomy scan so we can find out what sex our little Cupcake is. I've had 2 dreams that we were told it was a girl but last night I dreamed that we had a boy and it was in baby form in my dream so who knows. I still think it's a boy but we really don't care either way. We really just want to find out so we can start planning our gender party. As long as Cupcake cooperates and shows us the goods we're doing it 6/18. My dad, step-mom, and sister are even coming in from Atlanta because they are that excited. My dad and brother are going to go fishing afterward but my step-mom and sister are on a mission to do some shopping. My dad and step-mom even offered to buy the crib we found which is so very nice of them.

I hope all is well with the rest of you out there!

14 weeks

I still have a hard time believing that I am actually pregnant. I just never thought, ever, that I would be having a baby. We went to the doctor yesterday and it just amazed me to hear the heartbeat, to have that confirmation that yes there is a baby in there. Everything checked out fine, I passed the glucose test, weight and blood pressure were good. I'm still down 5lbs from when we started this process so I guess being pregnant has been a good weight loss plan so far. I haven't gained or loss since about week 6 which the doc is ok with. I have another appt on 5/17 and then the big anatomy scan will be early June. My pants are starting to get a little tight and my boobs are huge, but other then that no sign of showing anytime soon. The m/s is starting to let up, thankfully I never had it too bad and only puked once. I'm still tired though and 10 hours a night of sleep has been my norm since the beginning.

Once we find out the gender we will be having a gender party to reveal to our family and close friends, as well as us, as to what we will be having. We're going to have the tech write down the gender and seal it in an envelope for us. Once we have that we're going to take it to the same baker who did our bridal shower and wedding cake to make a cake for us. We're thinking green with question marks all over it. Then we'll have our family and close friends over to decorate onesies and to find out what we're having. Once we cut the cake it will be either pink or blue. I feel that this is a good compromise since I didn't want to find out and my wife did. Don't tell her but the more we look at baby stuff, the easier I feel it will be to shop if we do find out. If anyone else has done a gender party I'm open to ideas and would love to hear what you did for yours.

13 weeks....wow

We went in for the NT scan today and it was so amazing to see cupcake again! The last time we got to see him/her was at 9weeks and boy did s/he change. Cupcake actually looks like a baby now. We got this really cool profile picture and you can see the ear, nose, and lips. Then we got to see him laying there with his legs crossed and and a hand behind his head. We're just convinced that cupcake is the cutest fetus ever! The tech told us the measurements of the back of the head were in the normal range which was good to hear. She also asked us if we'd like to know the gender because she would look if we wanted her to. We freaked out and said no. I don't think we were prepared to have that option so early. We kept hearing we had to wait between 16 and 20 weeks. We plan on finding out but we're going to do it so that the whole family finds out at the same time. We have an appt next week so I guess the doc will tell us when we can find out the gender so we can plan our gender party. I didn't want to find out but my wife wants to so I think this is a good compromise. Plus it does add some excitement and the family keeps talking about the gender party and when it will be. Even my Dad, step mom, and sister are planning to come into town so that will be nice. I'm feeling better but actually puked for the first time this past Sunday and of course we were at church too! At least I made it to the bathroom, but of all places...really?? I'm still tired but stayed up until 10pm last Friday night so that was a welcome change. My poor wife told me she gets so bored with me going to bed at 9pm every night. I told her to try and enjoy the quiet time because we're certainly in for it come October.

In other news, I'm so proud of my Granma! Me and my Granma have always been really tight. I've never had the "I'm gay" talk with her but she of course knows. PLUS, I'm butch so umm yeah, it's not too hard to figure out. She loves my wife and always asks about her when I talk to her and my wife always come with me for family functions. Now when I told Granma I was pregnant I didn't know how she would react but she has seemed fine with it. She asks me how I'm feeling and is pushing for me to have the baby 10/9 (my due date is 10/16) because that was my Grandpa's birthday. I called Granma yesterday and we were chatting and when she asked about my sweet wife, I told her she was at her parent's house. My Granma then out of nowhere asks if my wife's parents were excited about their new grand baby. I was completely shocked. When I told her I was pregnant I didn't say my wife and I having a baby, I just said that I was pregnant. I told Granma that my wife hasn't told her parents yet but that they likely won't want anything to do with it. She was just in complete shock by this and told me she can't understand how anyone could turn their back on their grand baby. I guess my Granma is more progressive then I thought and that only makes me love her more. Not bad for an 85 year old lady from the backwoods of Alabama!

It feels like it's been forever since I wrote anything and I apologize. We're just plugging along here. Work has been crazy as always plus we had some pretty wicked weather here in Central Florida. These crazy thunderstorms moved through Wednesday afternoon and work actually sent us home early because it was so nasty out. I get home and my recycling bin is 4 houses down so I go get that. Then my neighbor comes out and tells me she has a tree down in her backyard which took a power line out which meant our whole block had no power. It turned out not be just our block as the traffic lights down the main street near our house were all out too. It took 27 hours before our power came back on. It was pretty miserable sleeping with the windows open that night because it stormed all night, we heard every train that went by, and our neighbors got into a screaming match at 2am. So needless to say we got little sleep. It continued to rain all day yesterday and it looks like we have more on the way today. I'm just glad our power is back on.

In other news, I can't believe that we will hit the 12 week mark this Sunday! I'm starting to feel less tired and I have a better appetite but I still feel queasy sometimes. My new love is lemons which is funny because my Mom said she ate those constantly while pregnant with me. We also bought a stroller. My wife has been on a stroller kick and we have been looking at them all over town. She has requirements for this stroller and she found one that she just loves. Now I didn't want to purchase one this early but I do love me a deal. The company is running a promotion that if you purchase the stroller you get the infant car seat free. The stroller is $500 so initially I told her NO but then the promotion came out which does save us $229 for the seat so I told her I would think about it. Then she found it on amazon for $400 and they will honor the promotion so we went for it. I figure we got a $750 stroller and car seat for $400 and that makes me happy. It also makes me nervous that we just bought a stroller. Our NT scan is scheduled for 4/11 and I'm starting to feel like this is pretty real and will result in a baby actually riding in that stroller come October. Plus, we have 30 days to return it for a full refund if something happens. I still get so nervous before my appts like this is all a dream and they will tell me that it's not real. I just really want to sneak a peek at cupcake since we haven't seen him/her since we were 9 weeks! It feels like an eternity and I can't wait to see how much s/he has changed in the last 4 weeks. I guess we'll find out in about 10 days.

Someone else that has been on my mind is Linus. I pray for him and his family everyday. I can't even imagine what they are going through. Stay strong Linus, everyone is pulling for you buddy.

1st OB visit

We had our 1st OB visit today and it was very anticlimactic! We were hoping to see our little cupcake but NO! We went in and filled out forms and were told we owe them $675 by 6/24 which is what we will owe them after insurance. I also got to have a pap smear and std test. The Dr is nice and she is my gyn so I'm used to her. They also gave me a flu shot and scheduled me for the NT test on 4/11. I can't believe we have to wait that long to see cupcake again! They scheduled me for some lab work and I have to do the glucose test now apparently because I'll be 35 when I deliver. Apparently, that is the magic number or "advanced maternal age" as the doc called it. Fuck that, it means I waited for the right person and am financially sound so I'm ready to have a baby. I need to call the lab and schedule the blood work and glucose test and then I go back for a prenatal visit on 4/19. So I guess that means all is well but I'm still a little bummed that she didn't even want to see my beautiful baby cause I know we were both hoping for a peek. She also changed my due date to 10/19 but I'm sticking with what the RE said which is 10/16. The ob is going off my last period and the re is going off my ovulation. I took the damn trigger shot so I guess he knows better then her when I ovulated. So here we are at 10wks 2 days according to the RE or 9wks 6 days according to the ob.

9.5 weeks

I can't believe that I've made it this far! 9.5 weeks seems so surreal to me. I haven't blogged lately because I've been trying not to get too excited. I feel like it will all be ripped out from under us before each appointment. Speaking of appointments, we had one on Monday. I was so nervous because it had been 3 weeks since our last one and I wanted everything to be ok with cupcake. If you've read this blog, it's no secret how much I was over our RE's office and Monday did not disappoint. We had taken half days from work that day so we could go to our 2pm RE appt and a 4pm tax appt. We show up right at 2 and the receptionist just says "you didn't get the call?" Uh no, what call? The Dr is snowed in from his vacation and they called everyone to reschedule, can you some back tomorrow at 2? Uh no! I need to see someone today, so she calls the other office and sends us there to meet with another Dr. What a pain in the ass because the other office is like 10 minutes from work and I could of just gone there to begin with! All was well though when we saw the cutest blob of a baby ever! Everything was good with cupcake and he/she was waiving their little arms and had a heartbeat of 164! They finally released us and we have an appointment with the OB this coming Tuesday. I think I'm finally starting to calm down and realize that cupcake is going to stick around. Its so funny cause all through this I knew we'd get a baby somehow but I never once imagined myself to be pregnant. In fact, I never wanted to be pregnant and just assumed that my wife would carry the baby. That was until we found out she couldn't which led us to where we are now. I still stop and think, oh my god...I am pregnant!

7 weeks

Not much to report here. We hit the 7 week mark last Sunday. I'm still tired all the time. No morning sickness to speak of but I'm starting to feel a little worse in the mornings but if I eat, I usually feel better. I even woke up at 3am last night and was hungry and a little queasy so I drank some juice. I'm hooked on this naked juice that is nothing but fruits and vegetables with some vitamins and fiber mixed in. It's really thick and it holds me over until I can eat some breakfast. I chugged some of that last night and it seems to do the trick and curb that gross feeling in my stomach. Boobs are still sore and I'm peeing a lot. I had a sinus infection for the last week and half and I'm starting to feel better but with that my sense of smell is coming back. My wife used to joke with me that I could never smell anything before but now I smell everything which is not always good. We have another appt on 3/14 so we still have 2 more weeks before we see cupcake again. I swear we'll never get away from the dreaded 2 week wait! I hope all is well with everyone and congrats to all the BFP's going around!

Introducing Cupcake!

We got to see our little Cupcake today and hear the heartbeat! Doc says I'm 6wks and 2 days along which is 3 days ahead of what I calculated. My official due date is Oct 16. The heartbeat was 111 which the Doc said was on the low side of the normal range but was to be expected because it is so early. I hope he's right because I don't need anything else to worry about! I feel so much better now knowing that everything is good with the Cupcake. My wife has been calling the baby that so I figured it would be a good blog name. Doc said he is implanted high in my uterus which is good so that made me feel better.

The bad news is that I have a huge cyst on my left ovary which is what has been causing my lower back pain. He also said the cyst won't interfere with Cupcake. My blood pressure was also high but the nurse said that could be from having a sinus infection right now and they will just keep an eye on it. And last but not least, the Doc is testing my thyroid because of how cold I've been. I'll know the results of that test tomorrow. I have an appt for 3/14 to check on Cupcake and the cyst again before he releases me to the OB.

i feel good about this though and WE HAVE FORWARD PROGRESS!!

the big day

Well today is the big day. We have our first ultrasound at 3 today. I am so worried that something will be wrong or nothing will even be there. I still have no morning sickness and the internet says that I should have morning sickness! That has to mean I'm not pregnant right? See...This is how my mind has been working lately. My wife tells me to relax and that everything is ok. I guess we will find out at 3 today. Wish us luck!

Tomorrow will be 5 weeks and I still can't believe it. So far my symptoms are cramping off and on, loss of appetite, but not for any reason, sore boobs, and let's just say I'm having trouble in the pooping department. lol. And oh yeah...I'm so tired! I go to bed at 9/9:30 every night. Our ultrasound is 1 week from today and I just want to see our little baby so that I can feel assured that nothing is wrong. I want to make sure everything is where it needs to be.

Now that I'm pregnant, I find myself having to make up excuses as to why I can't drink. I feel guilty like they're on to me! My coworkers and I used to go to happy hour about once a month and see each other socially pretty regularly and drinks were always involved. We went and made chocolate last week which was fun but I was the only one not drinking. Then I was asked out 2x now to go out and I keep making up excuses why I can't go. My cousin is coming in town and playing a show this weekend and all my friends and coworkers are going so I know they will want to know why I'm not drinking. I'll be glad when 12 weeks is up so I can tell them. I guess a lot of our social habits revolved around drinking or maybe I'm just paranoid now. Thank god it's not football season because then my buddies would really know something was up if I was watching a game with no beer!

I just got off the phone and my first appt is for the 22nd. By that time I will be a day shy of 7 weeks. That is so weird to say. They wanted me to wait until mid-March when I would be 10 weeks along only because my Dr was going to be on vacation and I told them no. They also wanted me to make the appt on the 24th but I said no because my wife couldn't be there. These are 2 more reasons that I am so glad to be done with them. We had already planned to switch RE's if this try didn't take and it's the reason we used both remaining vials. I am so happy how this ended though and after this ultrasound I will be done with them forever! Now I have another tww until I can see my baby's first image. I just pray that everything is where it needs to be. I hope everyone is well!

Surreal

I got my second beta number today and all seems well which we are thankful for. We did 2 insems this cycle so the first beta was 13d/12dpiui and it was 64. That was Friday and they told me that today they wanted to see it at least double. I had been so worried that it wouldn't and that something would be wrong but today on 15d/14dpiui it was 194! It tripled which made me very happy! They also said my progesterone was 26.1 which was "excellent" according to the nurse which meant I don't need supplements. Now I just need to make an appt for the first week of March for an ultrasound to make sure everything looks good. I calculated that my due date is around Oct 15th which means I'm about 4 weeks pregnant. This is just so unreal and we keep looking at each other with disbelief. Going into this journey we always assumed we would get a baby but I never imagined how surreal it would be when we actually got pregnant. I just pray that this sticks because we want this baby more than anything we have ever wanted. So far I'm exhausted, constipated, no appetite, and feeling kind of crampy at times and then nothing at other times. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as to what to do/not to do, foods to eat/stay away from, and anything else you guys can think of. Thank you for all the support up until now. This community has been a huge support for me and I am so thankful.

Holy Shit!

I was told I could test today so of course I tested last night and got this:

I tested again (after running out for more tests) and got this:

*****the nurse called and said my beta was 64 which she says is good. I'm going back Sunday morning and they want to see that double or at least go up 66%. Now I all have to worry about is seeing it double! What were everyone else's beta results? This is still so unreal!!

down to the wire

This wait is killing me! We're getting down to the wire and we should know before this week is done. The doc says I can test Friday. I usually never get to the 2 week mark and always start before then. If I can get to Friday that will be a huge accomplishment. I had my progesterone tested Saturday and didn't need the supplements. They said that it need to be over 15 and mine was 15.4. To add the pain of this wait, we have a stroller sitting in our house. I mean really?? A friend gave us the stroller and told us we could use it for our kid. That was way too early so I gave it to my sister. Now, she gave it back which is why it's sitting at our house. If this works, then cool, but if it doesn't I'm getting rid of the damn thing, but until then I still have to look at it! Also to add to the fucked upness of having a stroller in my house, I had a dream last night that I had a miscarriage! My brain is obviously whacked out right now. I'm taking it one day at time and hoping that this try will finally bring an end to this ttc journey so we can start the next one.

good fortune

My wife's fortune cookie from lunch today said, "you will emerge victorious from the maze you have been in". The funny part is that when she gave it to me to read (we were driving, she knows how to read!), she told me that she hoped it said she was getting a baby. Maybe it does, if you read between the lines!

In other news...this 2ww wait is killing me!

I went in Saturday and Sunday morning and everything went as usual. I hope we got our timing down. We triggered at 5pm and then had an IUI at 17 hours and another at 41 hours. Hopefully, that covered the window. Our 1st vial was 21 million swimmers and the 2nd was 59 million. Not sure why the difference but as long as one makes it, I'll be good. Now what to do with myself....I guess work. This week and next are my busiest times at work so that will help. If this doesn't work, I don't know what we're gonna do except take some time off, find a new doctor, and buy more swimmers. We're also going to change donors. Hopefully, this worked and I won't have to think about any of that stuff but I do like to have me a backup plan just in case.

**spoiler alert** do not continue reading if you plan on watching the Kids Are Alright



We watched the Kids Are Alright Saturday night....YUCK! It stared off with such promise and then they make the lesbian sleep with a man! Annette Benning was great in her role, but it just irritated me that her wife slept with their kids' donor. I mean really, us lesbians are going to be in a long term committed relationship and then the donor shows up and we sleep with him?? WTF? Other than that part it was a good movie depicting lesbians with kids. They could of even gone a different route with the donor showing up but no..they wanted her to sleep with him.

happy Monday everyone and to those of us in the 2ww wait, I hope it flies by!!

Go Time!

The wife just shot me up with the trigger shot at 5pm and we have IUI #6 scheduled for 10am tomorrow morning which will be about 17 hours later. We will do IUI #6.2 Sunday morning at 10:15 which will be about 41 hours later. I was told that I have a 15mm follicle that probably won't even release according to the nurse and another 21mm one. I don't know if the timing is right but I hope and pray that it is. Either result will bring relief. We'll either be on our way to a mommy-hood or finally done with this horrible practice my RE joined last October. While I hope it works, being done with them will also bring some comfort. I have cried my eyes out the last two times I have been there. I drove all the way to work today and couldn't stop crying so I texted my boss from the parking lot asking to take a sick day. Thank God she is understanding of this whole thing and said yes. She actually referred me to his original practice where her and her partner went for their first kid. She did 3 tries with this new practice and is looking to switch as well. I had my u/s at 8:30 this morning and was told that the doctor would look a the results and that a nurse would call me back. I didn't hear anything until 3:30. This is the exact kind of shit that is pissing me off. I asked to talk to the Doc about doing 1 IUIs this cycle and the nurse told me no, that he wasn't even there. At his last practice I either saw him or his Nurse Practitioner who we really liked. Now at this new place I have a different nurse up in my business every time I'm there and have yet to see the Doc. To top things off for my IUIs this weekend I have to see the anti same sex couples doc since he is the one on call this weekend. I was also charged $180 for storage today that will cover Jan, Feb, and Mar. I told the lady that we're using both vials this weekend and will have nothing to store for Feb and March and her reply was that I had to pay the $ and then call the billing dept to contest it. WTF! This is yet another reason why I hate this place. Any person you call doesn't bother to call you back for hours on end. Don't they know I'm packed full of hormones and I need answers NOW! If this one doesn't work, we're going to take a vacation, find a new doctor, and change donors. Hopefully, we won't have to go that route, although I could definitely use a vacation. Please, please, please let this work so we can have our baby and be done with this horrible practice.

confession

I have a confession to make. I took more gonal then what was prescribed last night. After everything we went through to get the meds and how much we paid for them, I'll be damned if I'm going to have some extra. I have a 300iu pen and was prescribed a 75iu injection for days 5, 7, an 9. I asked about the leftover and they told me to discard it! Really?? That shits expensive and you want me to discard it?? So, I took upon myself to take 75iu on Sunday, and 112.5iu last night and I will take 112.5iu again tomorrow night. This way I take every drop that I paid for. A little extra can't hurt right? I hope it only helps my case. I need some big, fat follies with a target on them so my swimmers know where to attack. I don't think it will hurt, there are women out there who take higher doses then what I was prescribed so I hope it doesn't backfire on me. Anyone else take this stuff? If so, what have your experiences been? I took femara days 3-7 and then the gonal days, 5, 7, 9. I go in Friday to check my follies and to see when I have to trigger. I have 2 vials left and I kind of want to do both this cycle but my RE is hesitant. Did any of you do 2 shots in 1 cycle? Any feedback would be much appreciated!

CD7

As you can tell from the title, I finally started my period. The nurse said the bc pills can delay it like that. I went in on day 3 and got my u/s and all looked good. The cyst was gone and I was cleared to start my fe.mara on days 3-7. On Friday, I had a total breakdown. This was the first time that I cried during this whole process. Back in Dec, the doc gave me a voucher for 300iu of folli.stim. I had all that drama with my gall bladder so I had to wait a cycle. The pharmacy told me not to worry and to just order it in Jan when I was ready. So I call Friday and order the folli.stim and my trigger shot. She charges me $65 and tells me the other med is free. She calls me back a couple of hours later and tells me the voucher expired 12/31 and that I will need to pay $423. Are you fucking kidding me?? I was not prepared for this nor did I budget for this. I hate using my credit card and to be honest I was just pissed because I would have ordered it back in Dec had someone told me it expired. She then tells me that the gonal.f is the same medication and only costs $260. Well that sounds better so she tells me she will call the doc to get it ok'd to switch. Here is where the stress comes in. My order had to go out by 7pm to make it here for me to take by Sunday. The pharmacy and myself each called 2 times and did not hear back until 6:25pm that night. My doc switched to one of these big practices and I have hated it ever since. You can't get a call in, you can't get one returned and you feel like cattle as they shuffle you through. I was so pissed that it took 4 hours for a return call when there was 4 messages that were left. I like my doc but we will be switching if these next 2 tries don't work since they already have them in their storage. So i got the meds after many tears. We did the shot on Sunday and will do another one tonight. This is my first cycle with the injections but so far so good. Other then my raging hormones on day 3, I haven't felt anything. I was so mad on Friday which is usually not like me. I also don't cry. Not that I don't want to, I just don't. My poor wife has only seen me cry once in 6 years and she didn't know what to think last Friday. I told her that all this baby making stress has finally caught up to me. I'm much better now and focused on what lies ahead. I go in this Friday to check my follies and to see when we will trigger. I'm thinking it will be Sunday if all looks good on Friday. I like doing it on the weekends so I can relax and not have to miss work but I hate that other office I'll have to go to. That was the one where the nurse thought I was my wife's husband! I need to relax and just go with the flow. I keep telling myself that and it's working for the most part.

And oh yeah....my team, Auburn are the national champs! WAR EAGLE!!!

WAR EAGLE!

Anyone that knows me, knows that I love football. Especially my Auburn Tigers who happen to be playing for a National Title today. I'm so excited and can't wait to plop my butt down on the couch tonight and watch them beat Oregon!

In other news, my period should be here any day. Once it rears it's ugly head we will go in for the u/s and then start our round of meds. Here's to hoping lucky #6 does the trick!

We got to see my sweet niece the other day. Her baby shower was Saturday and it was for intents and purposes a keg party. My brothers and their friends played beer pong, the wife and held the baby as much as possible, and my sister and her b/f hung out and drank (him not her). She was 3 days old on Saturday and they had her outside (it was cold!) around a bunch of people from 2pm until who knows. We left at 10pm and the party was going strong. My poor niece didn't have a jacket and was amusing herself by pumping the keg and filling people's cups. Can we say awesome?? All I have to do is give my wife a look and she knows exactly what I'm thinking. This is not how my family behaves mind you, only her. None of the adults were invited because she knew better. I wish I would have gotten invited to the adult party....

Avery Grace

My sister had a baby at 12:42am this morning. Her name is Avery Grace. I replayed this entry in my head last night as I lay in bed thinking about her. She is beautiful and pink and healthy and I am jealous, but also scared for the life ahead of her. My sister is 25 years old. She had her first kid at 19. The whole family has helped to raise that first kid and now she has another one. My sister doesn't make the effort to bathe my niece as often as she should. She always has on dirty clothes and smells like cigarettes. They met us at the Pride parade last year and she told my niece, who is 6, to "shake her booty for some beads". This stuff is heartbreaking to me and the whole family. My wife and I are very close to our niece. We had her every other weekend for years. My sister is a good hearted person but has no business being a mom. She looks at my niece as something to show off. At 3 she commented on how nice my niece's shoulders looked in a tank top she was wearing. My sister places all her worth on whatever guy she is dating at the time. She is still married to my niece's dad even though they split when she was 1. This is her 2nd live in boyfriend since. As my mother says, the baby has a lot of uncles. I could go on and on. I'm not trying to bad mouth my sister but I can't help but feel jaded and pissed off. She called me and told me she was pregnant 1 week in to our 1st 2 week wait. I had to endure her facebook updates of "headed to the health dept to find out the sex of the baby", I had to listen as her no good boyfriend said God hated him for giving him a girl and how my sister just really wished it was a boy for his sake. It's not fair and I'm just pissed. But I'm torn too because little Avery is so fragile and vulnerable and I know she will mess this one up like she's doing my niece. Every time we get her we here more and more of my sister coming through. The last time she came over she told me that her mommy told her that the older she gets the smaller her underwear get. WTF?? She also told me one time that her mommy told her to only marry a cute boy with money. We've done so much but I know that she will turn out just like my sister. I can already see it and I can already see poor Avery headed down that same road. And the best part is...she smoked the whole time during both pregnancies. I know my wife and I could do way better, I just hope we're given the chance.