Cleared for Takeoff

I had my stupid gallbladder test yesterday and my Dr called and said the test was normal so I canceled my appt with the surgeon and called my RE! I'm keeping my gallbladder and I'm all cleared to start my meds for my next cycle which my trusty phone app says should start around 1/8. We're going to do the letrozole, boost, and trigger and hopefully reap the benefits of this new concoction. Its been nice not having to worry about baby stuff over the holidays but I'll be glad to jump back on the train. April is getting here quick and with it will bring the dreaded age of 35. I feel like I have to get pregnant before then or all hope is lost.

We're off next week which will be nice! Our school "gifts" us a week each year and it is so nice to have. We're headed to a gay campground here in Florida for a little r&r. We're bringing the dogs for the first time ever so hopefully they will enjoy it. The lows will be in the 40's so we opted for a little cabin, which has heat. I know, we're wimps. We really did it for our dog, he just turned 13 and he has a hard time with the cold. I told my wife that going camping is on Cyrus' bucket list so how could she argue that. We're still roughing it though because the cabin is basically 4 walls, a roof, and a bed. We still have to walk to the bathrooms and shower and we still have to go outside to cook our food. I cannot wait! We love camping so this will be a good compromise for our little fur babies. It will be nice for the 4 of us to get away.

Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate and for those of you that don't enjoy your weekend! Congrats to all those babes being born last week as well. My resolution for 2011 is to get pregnant dammit!!

This is just a quick update, there isn't much to report. I go for a scan to check my gallbladder on Tuesday then to the surgeon the following Tuesday for the results. Hopefully all is well so we can jump back on this baby making train! I started my period which means if everything is good with the ole gallbladder we can start the meds next cycle. We're heading to Miami tomorrow for Christmas with my Dad's side of the family. My Dad, step-mom, and sister are coming in from GA so it will be nice to see everyone. Plus, I always like to see my Granma! She's like my favorite person. :) I was really hoping to be pregnant by now and have something to share with the fam but what can you do? We're doing all we can and it's actually nice to have a little break for the holidays. Our company holiday party is Sunday night and I will have a drink or two. I'm tired of stressing out. Anyhoo, I hope all is well with my fellow bloggers out there. I'll let you know how the test goes Tuesday.

speed bump

I almost titled this post road block, but thought speed bump sounded more positive. I'm a big football fan and my team, Auburn, played for the SEC title last Saturday. My brother and cousin came over and we all had a great time watching them win. I told myself that I was going to have a few beers and let loose. We ate hot wings and I had 4 delicious, cold beers. My team won and is headed to the National Championship. Everything was great until my stomach decided to stage a revolt. Several hours after the game was over, I started to feel a burning pain in my stomach. It quickly progressed to throwing up, violently. I must have puked 6 times in less than an hour and my stomach hurt like it has never hurt before. The wife took me to the ER where it was determined that my stomach lining was inflamed and I had "sludge", actual term the Doc used, in my gall bladder. I followed up with my Dr who told me that she wanted to check my gall bladder function to see if it needs to be removed. She told me that if/when I get pregnant that it will only make my gall bladder worse. So now I have to go next week to test the function of my stupid gall bladder to see if needs to be removed. Cross your fingers it doesn't, cause I don't have time for this shit. If you remember, I had a cyst that I was taking bc for, for the last 2 weeks. Well, I went and had it checked and it went down and we're all clear to start meds for this next cycle. We're gonna do the femara and trigger shot again and this time add in 3 shots of an fsh boost to help with egg quality and quantity. The nice RE even gave me a $250 voucher to cover the cost of it. Everything was working out perfectly except for my damn gall bladder. I guess best case we sit out a cycle and worse case we sit out a few so I can recover from surgery. I am just so pissed about the whole thing. Like we really need more medical bills. Plus, if it's not my gall bladder, what the hell is it?? My appt is on the 28th so cross your fingers for no surgery please.

My friend had a baby girl last night. While I'm happy for her I can't stop thinking about our quest for a little one. My friend is straight and married but because of several factors, she had to go the IUI route. She got pregnant in 4 tries. She was 6 weeks along when we did our first try. It was good to have someone to talk to about this experience and she has always been very supportive. She would always talk about when it would be our turn. We both kind of figured that I would be pregnant by now but that's not how it worked out. She even gave me some baby stuff for our baby, but I gave it to my sister who is pregnant. I don't even want that stuff in the house. It doesn't seem right to have stuff for a maybe baby. My sister...I've mentioned her a couple of times on here..I'll post another day on that subject. So all over face.book are pictures of my friend's new baby and I don't have the heart to look at them. She wants us to go visit but I don't think we will. The wife has to work and I really don't want to make that journey solo. Does this make me a bad friend? Oh well if it does. I've just started to get really shitty lately about this ttc crap. Speaking of, cross your fingers the birth control got rid of my cyst so we can move forward with this cycle.

ugh

So I went in for my ultrasound to get some more meds last Wednesday and I have a fricking cyst! W.T.F! So now I've been taking birth control to hopefully stop it's growth. I have never in my life taken birth control. Oh the irony...you have to take birth control to get pregnant if you're a lesbian apparently. I go back on 12/8 to check and see if it's gone away. If it has then we will do the letrozole, FSH boost, and the trigger again. We didn't do the FSH boost so I don't have any idea what the entails or how much. If it hasn't gone away then I guess we'll see what's next. I'm really starting to get over this whole ttc process. Part of me doesn't even want to do it here before Christmas but the cheap side of me wants to get it done before we owe storage fees starting in January.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I was a little bitter and drunk. And I know...alcohol is bad for ttc but the doctor said it wouldn't hurt to let loose. So that's what I did!

back to square one

I started my period this morning. I was actually a little hopeful this cycle but it turns out I shouldn't have been. I'm not a pessimist by nature but I am definetely not an optimist by any means. I like to look at all the possibilites and be ready for each one. So this time, I was hopeful and now I don't have a plan B. Damn you hope... The wife and I talked about it this morning and since we have 2 vials left I think we're going for a 2 insem cycle this time. I figure why the hell not. Last time we did the insem 36 hours after the triggr shot and I swear I o'd about 16 hours later so I should have listened to my body and went in ealrier for the IUI. So this time we'll do the same meds and trigger and then do 2 IUIs and see what happens. If we only do 1 IUI and it works we're looking at a $700 storage fee for 1 vial and let's face it, 1 vial is probably not going to get us a 2nd baby. If this hail mary IUI doesn't work then I'm pushing for a donor change. My wife likes this donor and it's so hard to find a South American donor but I think we should try. I think 6 tries on 1 donor is more than reasonable and she agrees, but she will mourn our "perfect" donor. Our Dr told us to begin with, that we had a 75% chance within 6 tries. I wonder what our chances are for more than 6 tries. I guess we'll find out. We're not ready to give up so we'll just keep moving on.

This will be quick since work is crazy today! I had my progesterone test yesterday and it came back at 19 which the Dr said was good. I'm still not sure what it that means so I will be consulting Dr. Goog.le this weekend. Speaking of weekend, we will be in Sarasota this weekend for some much needed r&r. We get to see an old friend who is in town and we are very much looking forward to getting away. Next Wednesday will be 2 weeks so here's to hoping I don't start my period! I hope all is well with you my friends!

knocked up until further notice

So I got knocked up on Wednesday which also happened to be my 1 year wedding anniversary. I'm trying to be positive about this one, I mean come on, what better day to have it work then our 1 year wedding anniversary. It also happens to be our 6 year together anniversary. We went to Boston this time last year and got married in Wellesley (or how ever you spell it). We also traveled up through Vermont, New Hampshire, Montreal, and back down to Cape Cod. That trip solidified me wanting to move to New England. My wife grew up there and loves Florida so I'm still working on her to go back. Once we got back to Cape Cod we were supposed to spend a week there relaxing and exploring but my G-Dad died the day before on the 9th, so we got married on the 10th and spent our wedding night in a hotel outside of the Providence, RI airport waiting for a 4am flight to Alabama by way of Maryland. It was a whirlwind trip with mixed emotions but I wouldn't have wanted anyone else by my side. Tuesday was the 1 year anniversary of G-Dad's passing and we went out with family to toast him. We got up Wednesday morning and went in for the IUI. I took the day off so we relaxed on the couch until my wife had to be at work that night. I'm trying to be optimistic and hoping that my G-Dad picks us out a sweet little baby this time. I told my wife that if we get pregnant this try and it's a boy that we have to honor my G-Dad by naming him after him. His name is Nathaniel Hector so she's less then thrilled but agreed. :)

After the IUI when we checked out the nurse told me that I would need to come back a week later for a blood test. The Dr never mentioned it and I'm not really sure what it's for. I asked the nurse and she told me to "make sure I ovulated". Hello??? Wouldn't that have been good to test for BEFORE the IUI?? Does anyone know what this test could be about? I haven't had time to call the Dr yet because work has been so crazy. I took Femara this cycle and did a trigger shot, both of which were a first. I'm just wondering if the blood test has to do with the meds? Any insight would be helpful. I hope all is well in blogland with my buddies! Cross you fingers cause this is it!

Go Time

We went to the RE this morning for my follicle check and it looks like I have a 24mm follicle on my left side. I have another smaller one but she didn't give us the measurements. We're scheduled to trigger tonight at 9:30pm and we go in at 9:30am on Wed. I hate needles and I am less then thrilled about having to do the shot. I hope my wife does it quick! Wednesday also happens to be out 1 year wedding anniversary and 6 years together anniversary so hopefully that will bring good juju. I gotta get back to work! Happy Monday!

The 4th try was a bust. This is getting really old! I went to the Dr on Tuesday and he checked my follicles and said everything looked good. He also put me on Femara for 5 days and then we'll do a trigger shot. We used clomid last time so hopefully this new protocol will produce some results. I was looking back and 3 out of our 4 tries were with my left side. When I did my HSG my left side pooled a little bit and the Dr said it was partially blocked. Since we did the HSG after 3 tries I think 2 were wasted on a blocked tube. This last time it was open but it still only had 1 big follicle. I've decided that my left side is a dud and I'm banking on my right side to come through for us this time. We have 3 vials left and I hope we get it done within these next 3 tries. I go in Monday to check my follicles and find out when my wife has to shoot me up with the trigger shot. I'm kind of nervous about her giving me a shot but I guess my only other option is for me to do it to myself and I highly doubt I can do it. For all you ladies who got pregnant, how many tries did it take and what kinds of meds were you on?

I was driving into work today and it struck me. I wonder how many people will find out they are pregnant today and be will upset about it. How many people out there will be really pissed and unhappy that they are pregnant? I know my wife and I will be ecstatic when we find out. And so we wait. Everyday that I don't start my period is good news. I'm supposed to go in on Monday for a beta if I don'e start this weekend. I've never made it the beta, I always started before then, so I'm a little nervous as to what the weekend will hold. I also wonder if the clomid will mess up my cycle and get my hopes up unnecessarily. I usualy ovuluate around day 13 but this time didn't till day 17/18. I also usually start bleeding about 12 days after ovulation and today is day 12. I would be so crushed if I make it to the beta but it's only because the clomid screwed up my cycle that bad and not because I am pregnant. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

On a side note, we're going to a baby shower tomorrow. Wouldn't that be great to start my period then. What a slap in the face that would be. But, she is our friend and we are happy for her. She is straight but she needed IUI's to get pregnant and hers took on the 4th try so I'm hoping #4 is lucky for us as well.

Our 4th try is in full effect! I got shot up on Monday, the 18th which also happened to be my wife's birthday. I'm hoping she gets the ultimate gift. Our RE closed down his practice and joined one of these centers. And this center does not treat same sex couples. So you can imagine how thrilled we were by all of this but we have no choice really, they had 4 vials of our baby juice. We were assured that we would only see our Dr so that made us feel better. Until it happened....we had to go in last Saturday and our Dr was not on call! This was our first cycle using clomid and the directions that my Dr gave me stated to take it days 3-7, start testing on day 11and if no surge in 6 days to call them for an ultrasound and possible trigger shot. Easy enough it seemed, so I called. This bitch nurse told me that you can't detect ovulation by doing an ultrasound and basically discounted everything my Dr had told me. She told me that "our" doctors don't do it like my Dr and she didn't understand why I was calling. I kept telling her the instructions that I had and she finally told me to just come in and take a blood test to check my progesterone. I was so pissed by this point and my wife had to talk me down. Thank god she is the calm one. So we get there and as we're checking in I see this lady that I think is the one I talked to on the phone. I ask her, was it you I was speaking to earlier, and she looks at me this demeaning look and tone and says "I didn't talk to you today" so I ask the receptionist to please give the instructions to whoever it was that I spoke to. The same rude lady grabs the paper and says oh it was me you spoke to. I tell her I was just going by the paper I was given and she just snatches it and walks away. As we sit down in the lobby I'm fuming. I look around at all these couples sitting there. Even when you sign in it states husband and wife so not only do you have to be straight but you have to be married. I'm hating this place more and more by the minute. A lady comes out and calls us back, she was very nice, and took my blood. She told me that they can tell by a blood test whether I ovulated or not based on my progesterone levels. I usually O on day 13 or 14 and this is now day 16 so we're thinking we missed it. We then go back and sit in the office and I feel a little better about the place because of the nice blood lady and receptionist. So then guess who calls us back...the BITCH. She brings us in the room and tells us that they are going to do an ultrasound to check if I ovulated so I ask her why she told me on the phone they can't do that. She doesn't even look at me and keeps talking to my wife. She then says that if it looks like I haven't ovulated they will do a blood test. I tell her they already took my blood and gesture towards my arm and again she gets that snotty tone and asked why did they take your blood as rude and condescending as she could. She looks back at my wife, tells her to take her pants off and get on the table, and tells her that her husband can sit there and points to a chair in the corner as she walks out. My wife and I look at each other and realize that the bitch doesn't even know I'm a girl. Now I'm butch, but I still look like a girl. I was talkinig to the bitch the whole time, saying "me". I guess she thought I was some overbearing husband. Again my sweet wife talks me down as I start damning my Dr for joining this god forsaken practice. We assumed she would figure it out when I was the one on the table with no pants on when she returned. She came back in, did a double take and went about the ultrasound. She was actually very nice after that and she told me that I have not ovulated, had a 17mm folicle, and a nice lining. She told me to keep testing and call back when it was positive. She also called me later that afternoon to confirm that my blood test showed I had not ovulated.

I got a positive the very next morning at 8am and a postive at 8pm. I tested Monday morning at 8am and it was negative so I hope I ovulated sometime overnight. I had my IUI done at 11am Monday. My Dr was very nice and apologetic about the whole thing when I told her what happened. I told her she could make it up to me by knocking me up. So here we are a couple of days later hoping that it works this time. I really hope it works so I don't ever have to go back there again, at least until we try for #2. If this try takes, we'll still have 3 vials at that horrible place. The only perk is that the IUI is cheaper at the new place then it was at the old place. They charge a fortune for storage though....$700 a year. So if this does take we'll owe them money to hold onto our other 3 vials. I just hope this works and soon. I'm ready to get on with this pregnancy thing so we can get our baby.

We went to our annual Pride event here in town yesterday and something happened to me. For the first time ever I actually felt like I wanted to be pregnant. That may sound funny to some of you but I have never had that urge, feeling, or ache to be pregnant. I've always wanted kids but being butch I always asumed that my femme wife would bear me some kids. I never thought I would marry a femme who couldn't. Which lead me to being the default uterus. I've been fine with the idea, a little weirded out, but ok with the thought of being pregnant. I've felt very disconnected to the TTC part while my wife has been so emotionally connected to it. But for the first time, at Pride yesterday, it happened. Now I've had baby fever for a while now and all my wife and I do is stare at babies out in public and talk about "when"...but yesterday it got me. We were leaving Pride and we shared an elevator with another couple who was visibily pregnant. Her wife was rubbing her belly and they were smiling. Her and my sister, who is also pregnant, even discussed maternity clothes. As I stood there watching that I felt the need to be pregnant and ever since then I can't shake that feeling. It was the strangest thing. Hopefully, come the end of this week, I will be pregnant.

I took the Clomid last week and so far my only side effect has been hot flashes which have been really annoying. I'm so pale that they turn me bright red and people have commented. It's really quite embarassing! I should be seeing that smiley face either Thurs or Fri. I'm hoping it shows Thurs because I already have Friday off but who knows. I've had 2 accupuncture treatments this cycle and go in for another one tomorrow. I always feel so good when I keep up with going but it sure does get expensive. Even if it doesn't help with making a baby it sure has made a difference in me so I'm not complaining. I hope everyone out there is good. Wish us luck on try #4 this week!

new month, new outlook

As of today we are back on the baby making train and headed full steam towards our baby. I started my period today, which is always fun, but it does signify the start of this cycle which means progress. I also went to my accupuncturist today which is always a nice treat. I went for a couple of weeks over the summer and saw a real difference in my periods and overall well being but slacked off there for a while and was starting to notice the decline in my energy. When I went in the doc took my pulse and told me that it was low which was a sign of my heart pumping weakly which is why I've been so lethargic and feeling down. She encouraged me to "stop thinking" so much and go back to working out so that I would feel better. She told me that once my pulse is beating stronger that I will feel better. So that's my goal, to pump my blood swiftly through my body. To feel invigorated once again. I'm taking the ole bicycle out for a little trail action and cutting the grass on Saturday and then relax and going to an art festival with my lovely wife on Sunday. I'm getting out from under this black cloud that hovered over me during Sept. I'm getting healthy so I can get pregnant. We're also stating clomid this cycle so this will be a first. Please let me know your thoughts on Clomid. I'm hoping it doesn't turn me into a raging bitch, I don't know if my wife can handle that. She has a lot of work stress going on so I don't want to add to it. Thankfully, she picked up some adjunct work this month which will bring us a cool $1800 which is totally rad! Since she's working her ass off I don't want to stress her out anymore. But seeing as she's working 6 days a week this month I have a lot of free time so I'm going to put it to good use and start working out more. I'm slowly coming out of my fog and I'm loving all the possibilites that lie ahead.

Today is a weird day. One of my students was robbed at gunpoint last night and shot. He is ok but damn. The poor kid was just walking to school. I can't even imagine his poor parents getting that call last night. Everything seems so senseless lately. I hope I can get out of this funk so that I can focus on baby making. I need to get back in the gym, lay off the beer, and get a different outlook on life. We ordered 4 vials yesterday and I'm not overly convinced that it will work within these next 4 tries. Our RE is moving offices as of 10/1 so maybe the change up in location and staff will be a good thing. A new perspective, sort of starting over. My goal is to run this weekend. I used to love to run but ever since we started this ttc business last May I haven't ran once. TTC consumed me and I need to get myself back. I need to run, cycle, and do a triathlon. I kept putting it off thinking I "might" be pregnant. Not anymore. I'm making plans and signing up. I feel fat and lethargic from not doing anything these last couple of months and I want to change this. I will start this weekend. I will run and I will cycle. That is my goal. I'll let you know how that turns out....

A guy I went to high school with, Floyd, died on 8/29. He was a Marine and he was killed in Afghanistan. It's been such a shock . Me and all of our high school friends have bonded over facebook, remebering our Hero. He was always a guy with a big smile on his face. I'll always remember him with his shaggy blond hair, big grin, and that Jeep he always drove. He was on the football and wrestling teams and he seemed to know everyone in our school. He was so genuine and caring to everyone that he met. I haven't kept in contact with him since he went off to college and then joined the Marines, but it hurts just the same. I can't believe that I know someone killed in this war. And I really can't believe it was Floyd. He was on his 3rd tour and was due home in 7 weeks. He will never meet his baby daughter that is due to be born in November. The pictures from his funeral were not lost on me. He had full military honors as he should. The delicate way they carried his flag draped coffin, the honor guard, and his pregnant wife bent over the folded flag she was presented, crying. It was a profile shot of her very pregnant belly with the flag in her lap, just crying. I didn't attend his service in California or the one they held here this past Saturday at our high school. I wrestled all week with whether I should go or not. I read all the facebook posts from all of our high school friends. Everyone is devestated. I don't regret not going but a part of me wishes I had been brave enough to attend. I didn't want to go there, I didn't want to face the fact that it was true. Floyd died on a Sunday and that following Thursday another high school friend's 5 year old daughter died of cancer. She died 10 weeks to the day after being diagnosed. Our school has been reeling and though I didn't know Ava, she was still only 5 years old. Today my sister called. Her friend from college was killed in Aghanistan this past Friday. I'm sorry to say that I know what she is going through. These past few weeks have been so hard. I pray that out of all this death, God grants us life.

I had my hsg and it looks like my left side was somewhat blocked. He said everything looks good now and we're waiting for me to start my cycle. I've lost my excitement for baby making. Part of me thinks I want to give up. We tried 3 times and we did what we could. I don't know how I feel about anything anymore. Life is precious. We will keep trying. We're waiting for the bank to release more juice and then we're back on track. Except I feel robotic about it. I don't know what to expect and when to stop. I feel like we're just going through the motions. I know I need to get myself out of this funk but I can't seem to.

On a side note, my sister is having a girl who is due in Jan. Her boyfriend is pissed and thinks God is punishing him because he asked for a boy. My sister is upset that her boyfriend is mad and doesn't want to show excitement for this baby so she doesn't upset him. I'm heartbroken at the thought of my little niece coming into a world where she is already not wanted. It's as sad as Floyd's little girl coming into a world without her daddy. These little girls break my heart and have a sad road ahead of them and they are not even born yet. I pray my wife and I will be lucky enough to have our own one day. I guess only time will tell.....

***Literally 2 minutes after posting this, an email came out that one of my co-workers has lost his battle with cancer. My heart is even heavier.....

oh the drama..

Let's do this in bullets to make it easier to read:

• Went to the RE and was told my eggs look appropriate for my age. I guess that's good? We liked him but the wanted $1175 per cycle, meds not included, to do the IUI. Needless to say we are back to the original doc who will only charge a $50 copay per ultrasound. New doc won't charge insurance which is why price is $1175.
• Getting my HSG done at the start of my next cycle with old doc. I'm set to start around 9/10. Then, we're gonna start on Clomid. I figure 3 natural tries are enough and that now we need some help.
• Headed for a long weekend in Miami the same weekend I'm set to start and will come back to a "procedure" (lovely). We need this time together so it will be nice regardless. Plus, I get to see my beloved Granma.
• One of my high school friends dies in Afghanistan last Sunday and leaves behind a pregnant wife. It is too sad to put into words. My heart breaks everytime it flashes across the local news.
• We took a month off due to all this doc fiasco and it's been so nice to not know what CD I'm on.
• And we're on the waiting list for our favorite donor so let's hope that happens. It is so hard to find a Latin donor. If you guys come across a bank with some, I'd love to hear what bank it is so we can check it out.
• And last but not least, my sister find out today whether she is having a boy or a girl. I still don't know how I feel about her pregnancy...

That's it for now, I'll be catching up soon!

**UPDATE***

My sister just called, she is having another girl. I'm happy for her, I just wish it was us who was having a baby.

Plan B

Sorry for the silence, it's been crazy here. Try #3 was a bust. It was disappointing and frustrating there for a minute but now we have a plan and we feel better. The Dr said he wanted to do a HSG if try #3 didn't work. So here is where it gets fun. I called the insurance on 8/11 to ask if the HSG would be covered. I wanted to have a game plan in case I started my period. They told me that it would be covered but then threw in that my insurance was no longer working with the hospital where the Dr works out of as 8/15. So we crossed our fingers and hoped this try would take. So of course, I start my period on 8/15. Now what? My insurance told me that I would have to pay 20% of this procedure and also find another hospital. So I ask my Dr if he works out of another hospital and he says yes. Well that's good. Then I talk to a friend of mine who just went through this and she tells me that her Dr did the HSG at his office and she only had to pay her $50 copay. That sounds better than 20%! And we have the same insurance because we work together. I call this Dr and he can get me in for a new patient appt TODAY!. I called the insurance and a 2nd opinion is covered. So after all this we're going for a 2nd opinion and will probably switch to this Dr if we like him. He seems much more proactive in his approach to babymaking then the last Dr so hopefully he'll do the trick.

Any suggestions on what to ask would be appreciated.

just plugging along

Well we have 1 week down and my period is due here this Friday. I think. Usually my cycles are about 24 days but last month it was 26 days so I'm not really sure when it will show up this month, but Friday would be for a 24 day cycle. So I expect it anytime Friday-Sunday. I'm really going to try and hold out all weekend to test. If it's not here by Monday then I will test then. That's my plan anyways. I almost don't want to test because I don't want to find out if it didn't work. We're out of juice and the Doc wants me to get a HSG if this try is a bust. So you see...it really would be easier if it would just work this time!

Since the funeral last week we got a little bit more bad news. My best friend since 8th grade was supposed to get married last Saturday. Instead, she's spent all week at the bedside of her man who is in the hospital with blood poisoning. It was really bad all last week and he seems to be getting better but he's still in the hospital. They even got married in the hospital last Friday because that's how critical he got. Hopefully he'll be better soon so we can celebrate their wedding down the road. I also had to deal with my battery dying in my truck. I know it doesn't compare to funerals and hospitalization but it was just another stress factor to deal with. So much for a stress free tww.... We got the IUI done on Monday, went to a funeral right after, and came home to the news that our friend was critical in the ICU. It has kept out minds off of it to some extent though.

I've been feeling period like cramps off an on all weekend so hopefully that is a good sign. We went and painted pottery yesterday and I had a moment of intense PMS rage over messing up my little snail where I wanted to smash him to bits on the floor. Either the stress is getting to me, I'm about to start my period, or hopefully I'm pregnant. I do feel like I'm about to start anyday though and I usually don't get this feeling too far in advance of my period so maybe it's a good sign. Fingers crossed and good luck to all of you out there who are trying this month.

try #3

Try #3 is in full effect! We went in yesterday for #3. We only bought 3 vials to start with so hopefully we won't need to buy more. Yesterday was a weird day full of hope and sadness. We went in for the IUI at 2 and then went to our best friend's mother's funeral at 6. Talk about completing the cycle fo life. It was a wonderful, emotional service that just brought me to tears. The woman was 60 years old, not nearly old enough to be gone. Our friend was a wreck and her twin 12 year old grandsons just broke my heart. She will be missed greatly. It was so strange sitting there feeling crampy and thinking about the maybe beginning of a life. I'm more hopeful about this try then I was with the last two. I think it's probably because I always told myself that we would do it within these 3 tries. Now as I sit here, I know that there is a real possiblility that we may have to by more juice. We know two couples who have gone though this and one couple took 6 tries and the other 9 tries. Plus, all these blogs I read where you guys have tried endless times without success. I have guarded hope that this try will work. I think that's in my nature though, I don't want to be hurt, so I don't get my hopes up. I am already over this whole process though so I hope this is it cause I'm ready to get this show on the road! Plus, the Dr, told me that he wants me to get an HSG if this doesn't work. From reading the blogs out there those sound painful! Plus, I need to see if insurance will cover it. I hope all is well with you guys out there. Take care.

CD2

That's right...last cycle was a bust. It pisses me off too because we had hope. I was 2 days late to start my period. We thought there might actually be a chance...but NO. I realize that we have only done 2 IUI's and that there are lots of you out there who have done many more, but seriously, why was I 2 days late. That's the part that has me ticked. Being late meant hope. We had it and now it's gone. It broke my heart to look into my wife's eyes as they teared up. Fuck hope. So I guess we are on the offical ttc rollercoaster of emotions and I want the fuck off it. So now we enter our next try, our last vial, and our last unmedicated cycle, and I really want this to work because I do not like this emotional crap that comes with ttc. The wife and I decided to "re-evaluate" after try #3 if it doesn't work. We'll see what happens......


And thank you to the suggestions from my last post. I have been doing acupuncture, I'm going to start taking B6, and will ask the RE about progesterone. Maybe I can get some hope back.

11dpiui

Well today is 11 days after my 2nd IUI. I should have started my period yesterday on day 10 but didn't. I tested this morning and it was negative. I don't know what's up, but I usually always start on time. So now we wait.....

I have another question too for anyone who reads this. My luteal phase is only around 10 days. If this IUI is a bust, what can I do to lengthen that. My RE does not have me on any medications. I've been constantly reading stuff on the internet that says my luteal phase may be too short. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

overwhelming sadness

My wife and I both work at a University. She is an instructor and I work in Student Affairs. Our paths cross when she refers the "bad" students to me for failing, cheating, missing class, etc. She had a student last semester though that I didn't have the pleasure of meeting. She would come home and tell me all about "Chester". You see this was his nickname that he chose to go by, one he said he picked because you would never forget him. She had many stories about Chester and it is rare that I know one of her students by name that isn't one of the "bad" ones. She has over 100 students in each class each semester and when she mentions them it's usually not by name. I heard stories of how she would tease him about his name, they would talk World Cup, he even knew one of the players on our local Arena Football League team who had the same last name as my wife. We have season tickets to the AFL and he kept telling her that he was going to get his autograph for her. They joked about how the player was my wife's long lost cousin. He even wore a kilt to the midterm because he wanted to distract his fellow students from the test. She joked with him that she didn't want to know if he was wearing it "authentically". I heard all these stories, she had a fondness for this kid, he was her buddy, he who would come in early and stay after class, hang around during break, just so they could talk. They talked about all kinds of things and laughed and shared many stories and experiences.

Yesterday I got a call from his roommate. Chester was found dead. He ran out of insulin and fell into a diabetic coma. His roommate is distraught, blames himself for not being there. It is a tragic, senseless loss. My wife is upset, I even feel sad for this kid that I never met but who I heard so much about. I can't even imagine what his mother is going through. She told us that he called her on Friday night and told her he was out of insulin and she told him to go to the emergency room. When she hadn't heard from him on Saturday she called the sheriffs office and they found him dead. This mom sent her kid off to college and within 2 months he was dead. It sounds so preventable but yet he is gone. I can't even imagine what his family is going through right now.

You were right Chester, you will never be forgotten. Rest in peace.

IUI #2

So my first IUI was virtually painless. It was just like going to the gyno and getting a pap smear. I did have bad cramping for hours afterwards though but no spotting. This IUI was totally different. It was very uncomfortable, not painful, just not painless. I even jumped at one point and the doc told me that was her entering my cervix. She told me that my cervix looked open which was good. She didn't mention that with the first one and I didn't jump like that either. Afterwards I had some spotting but no cramps. So this leads me to wonder, why are they such different experiences? Hopefully it's a good sign. I got my smiley face on Wed at 11am. I went in on Thursday at 3pm. Does this sound good? Last time we did the IUI the same day as our surge. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Have a good weekend everyone!

CD13

Well it's CD 13 and it seems like we're moving right along. I should be seeing a smiley face either later on today or tomorrow. This works out because this week is an easy week here at work. I'm hoping I see it today since we have a company picnic tomorrow and it would be easy to slip away to go see the doc and no one would know. I tested at 11am and will test again at 7pm just to make sure I don't miss it like last month. I usually get a positive on CD13 but my period was a day later so someone told me I would O a day later as well. I just want to get the smiley face, get the IUI, and get pregnant!

We had a great vacation! We went to North Georgia and spent some time with my dad, step mom, sister, and brother. It was nice to get away but I was constantly testing and hoping not to see that smiley face while we were there because it would mean another missed cycle. My dad and step mom are more than ready to have a grandchild and mentioned it several times while we were there. The kept saying how next July we would have a baby at our annual get together. I sure hope that their right. They even picked out what they want to be called. Apparently, it's a big deal. Whatever they want is fine, but my sister has to approve it she says. She was raised an only child (she is theirs, we just share a dad) and I think she is jealous of all this baby talk. She is her mom's world and now hearing her mom keep telling me how much she wants a grandbaby has rubbed her the wrong way. She's 10 years younger than me and everything is a competition. Other then that, it was good to get away and see our family, albeit we had an 8 1/2 hour drive to do it and they only had to drive an hour! Next year I think we're planning somewhere closer like the Georgia coast.

Cheers to try #2!

what the hell

So today is the day I should start bleeding....well at least it's been like clockwork for the last 6 months. I've had 25 day cycles since I started tracking them last January which means I should start today. Except....so far nothing! I usually always start in the early morning hours which meant I went to sleep last night expecting to be woken up by cramps. I don't even feel a hint of it coming on. Last month no ovulation and now no period. WTF?? We're one try in and those damn sperm jacked my girl parts up. I mean, I know it was probably a shock and all, but I guess it just threw my cycle for a loop. I'm ready to start and get on track for try #2 so we can get this show on the road. Now if only my girly parts will cooperate.

Here's to bleeding soon....and to being over with, before we leave for vacation next Thursday!

Father's Day

As I sit here watching World Cup...Viva Argentina!....I'm thinking about what today means to me. My parents split up when I was 8. My dad was a horrible alcoholic. I always loved my dad and have very fond memories of him as well. I was his little buddy. We would fish, grill out, camp. I always remember him drinking a beer during these times, but it was never negative to me. Then all of sudden it seemed like his drinking was out of control and my mom left. The screaming matches only happened for a couple of months there at the end before she left. Because she left, I will be forever grateful. I only realized this within the last few years. I always thought my Dad was the best guy, for those 2 weeks every summer. During the year we had little contact. No birthday calls or cards. It was as if he forgot about us. I always resented him for this and my little brother had an even harder time, and still does. Later, I would learn from my half sister, whose mother did not leave, that her childhood was horrible. Here my brother and I always wanted our dad there and resented our mom for leaving him and my sister was wishing her mom would leave. He stopped drinking a few years ago and is back to the great guy I remember as a kid. Times have changed though and his role is one that's hard to define. He's my dad, but he's not my "dad". He was never there...My mom married a wonderful man who stepped in and became a "dad" to us and we both love him for that. So I called my dad today, and will be going to my parents house to celebrate Father's Day with my step-dad, better known as papa.

All of this had me thinking how our kid will end up not having a "dad". I can't answer that but I know that our baby will have lots of wonderful, respectable, caring, and loving men in their life. I think that will be enough but I can't help but hope our kid won't resent us for not having a dad around like I did my mom. Even though in the end, when I was much older, I realized it was just better that way.

Hapy Father's Day to all the wonderful men who are "dads" to their kids.

So here we are in our second month of TTC and I'm already frustrated and pissed. Originally, we debated as to whether or not to try this month, and now it looks like my body has made up her mind for us. I've been testing since last Wed, which was CD11 and I have not detected a surge yet! As of yesterday, CD16, nothing. The last couple of months, I have always surged on CD13 so I have no idea what's up. I called the RE and they told me to come in for a "no surge for 6 days" ultrasound which is $345 so I told them no thanks. I don't want to pay that $ just to be told that I missed it. I think that I must have o'd early is all I can think of. Plus, I've been sick and we used a different opk brand this month. We have always used the digitals and this month decided to be cheap and use the store brand sticks. I'm guessing we just don't know how to read those so it's back to expensive digitals for us. I've had a surge with my right side before so I'm not too overly concerned but if it happens again, we'll do the ultrasound. So for this month, we're gonna hit the gym, use our IUI money for some bills, and enjoy our 4th of July vacation. If all goes well with my period this month, our next try should be right around when we return from vacation.

Speaking of vacation, we'll be going to Helen, GA to see my Dad, step-mom, and sister. We'll be driving up with my brother for the long weekend, which will be nice. My Dad has been saying that he wants his 3 kids together. This is not the same sister I was complaining about in my previous posts so it will be nice to see them. Since they all 3 live in GA, we don't see them as much as we would like. My step-mom has been really great through all of this baby making stuff too which is funny, cause I've never thought much of her. My own Mom doesn't ask any questions, but my step-mom is all over it. She says she can't wait to be "Nana". At least someone's excited in the family!

Here's to better luck next cycle!

CD13

So the other night at the bullseye store, the wife and I were picking up some opk's and standing there in that aisle trying to decide which to buy, and this lady comes over to us. She is probably in her 40's and asks us out of the blue "hoping for good news?" to which we both reply "oh yeah". She then tells us she hopes we get it and walks aways. It was so random and surprising to us. She was with a man and some kids when we passed her later in the store so I don't think she was gay, but it is was very touching, sweet, and random. Let's hope it was the good luck sign we've been hoping for.

On another note, today is CD13 which is the day I usually get my +. I forgot the test of course so my wife is bringing it in. Oh the perks of working together...your wife can bring in your opk test when you forget it. If we see our smiley face then we'll go in tomorrow. Last month we did it the same day and this month, even if I have to pay an extra $40, I'm doing it the next day.

And don't forget everyone.....World Cup starts today!!! It's the only sport my wife will get into...must be the fact that she was born in South America! I tell her it was bred into her genes. Viva Argentina!!

**UPDATE***
So no surge today as of yet, but I did have my accupuncture appt and I feel GREAT! Even if it doesn't help us to have a baby (which I'm convinced it will), it sure does make you feel good and it is a great stress reducer! I hope everyone has a good weekend!

CD10

I don't know what my problem is but I'm not excited about this next try. It should be this Saturday if I surge on CD13 like I have the last 3 months. It was nothing but excitement and anticipation heading up to try #1, but now nothing. I have cut out caffeine pretty much cold turkey and stopped drinking aside from my Memorial Day binge. I'm going for acupuncture on Friday so hopefully that will stimulate my girly parts to do what they need to do. The one thing that has been bothering me though is that I have a 25 day cycle and 12 day luteal phase. What this really means, I don't know. My RE doesn't seem to be concerned about it but I don't want to do all these unnecessary IUI's if I should be concerned about it. Any thoughts on this would be great.

In other news, my Mom bought us our first baby gift which was huge for her because she hasn't exactly been excited about this whole endeavor. She bought us a onesie from North Carolina that says "Carolina babies are the sweeter than tea". Cute right? Let's just hope we have a baby to put it in one of these days. That would be my luck, Mom gets on board and it doesn't work. Her excuse for not being on board was she didn't want to get let down if it didn't work. Thanks for the support there Mom. I just hope my wife and I have it in us to make this journey. Here's to try #2!

CD5

From the tiltle, it is clear that out first attempt did not work. My wife was upset, but I wasn't. I don't know if I just figured it wouldn't work or what. I had a lot of the typical pregnancy symptons though so maybe that's why she was so upset. I started my period early Sunday morning and just embraced Memorial Day after that. We drank all day Sunday and Monday. Now with our next shot around 6/11, it has me thinking that maybe we should sit out this month. I want to catch up on some bills, my wife needs to go the dentist, and we're going away for the 4th of July so I don't want to over extend our finances. I'm torn really, I don't want to sit out, I don't want to charge it, and I want us to still have a good time on our trip. I don't want to have worry about finances. We don't have a whole lot in savings but we do have 2 more vials so that's good. i just don't want to have to charge the dentist, appt, or any of our trip on the credit cards. I'm the one who does the money and I do not want to get any further into debt. We paid cash for our whole wedding trip and ceremony last year and I want to do that with the baby making as well. I hate using my credit cards and just want to pay them off already. Am I protecting myself, being a realist, or just really concerned about finances? I don't know. I told my wife that we will make a game day decision when we get our smiley face.

In other news my sister posts daily about her pregnancy. She's 11 weeks along andf my poor niece is so upset with the whole thing. The whole family is really, but what can you do. (see previous post for all the gory details of said sister).

In happier news, Gay Days at Disney World is this Saturday and we are going. We have a friedn who works there andcanget us in because we would not be paying $70 a piece to go! It should be fun, it will be nice to get out in the heat with a bunch of gays and wear our red shirts. My wife LOVES Disney. She used to be a character there and loves everything about it so I'm happy we're going for her. She's been really stressed lately about this baby making business and work stuff so I'm glad we can go for her. It almost makes me happy that I'm the one that will carry because she is so stressed about it now, I couldn't imagine if she had to go through it herself.

I hope everyone out in blogland is well and I hope we get lots of BFP's and happy healthy preganancies in June!

bleh

That sums up how I feel and how I've felt for the last few days. Bleh. I'm tired, my head hurts, I feel like I'm about to start my period although it's not due until Sunday. If she shows up, I'm drinking this Memorial Day. I could sure use a beer. If she doesn't show up than all this yuckiness will be worth it. I don't think it worked though. I keep going back and forth and some days I feel it worked and others I say no. Today I just feel crampy, like I'm about to bleed any minute. I'll probably test Friday just because I can't stand it.

In other news....last Monday my sister called to tell us that she's pregnant! Great timing...it only made me hate you more. Just kidding....kind of. She's 24, this will be her 2nd kid and she can't even take care of the first. No one in the family is excited except for her. My niece is 5 and she has been suspended 3 times this year from kindergarten. Can you say acting out? Her no good boyfriend doesn't work and stays home all day selling pot. She's 9 weeks along and still smoking cigarettes. She told my wife ( I didn't answer when she called) that she had no clue she was even pregnant until she went to the Health Dept for a pregnancy test. But don't worry...she's already signed up for public assistance. It just makes me sick to hear about it. I still haven't talked to her and she called Monday. I can't fake nice or happy so I figure I'll have to wait to talk to her. So in the meantime, I'm not drinking any alcohol or caffeine in the hopes that I MAY be pregnant. We pais $500 for a 16% chance. We've been together over 5 years, own a home, have jobs, make over $100k a year combined and it's just not fair! We could give a baby a good life and we will. And I will love and provide for my new niece or nephew just as I do with my wonderful niece now. We love her so much and get her as often as we can. I just hope her and the new baby come out ok, but I know they won't. My niece already has battle scars at 51/2.

In other news...it was 1 week yesterday since our 1st IUI. Please pray for a + this weekend! Or if not pray that I'm not too hungover on Monday!

Ok so, now what?? We did the IUI yesterday around 3. The doc said the juice looked good. Spouted off some numbers while the wife and I just looked at each other. The IUI itself was painless. The doc even let my wife push the plunger which I thought was a nice gesture. My wife looked absolutely freaked out though. We went home and I laid on the couch for the rest of the night. My cousin came over and told us all about his trip to Switzerland to see his brother play a music festival. I wanted to go so bad, but my wife pretty much summed it up with, Europe or baby. Clearly I picked baby as I lay there with sperm inside me listening to his stories and looking at his pictures. I had some mild cramping on my left side but it wasn't too bad. I also had gas but that could of been the Thai food. I woke up this morning and I still feel a little bloated on my left side. So my question now is.....now what? I keep thinking to myself how weird it is that we actually went through with it. I mean, I knew we would, but the day actually arrived and I got shot up. I just hope my eggs know what to do with something they've never seen before. I have this image of my Rosie the Riverter egg fending off all of the sperm trying to get to her. She's probably freaked out right now being attacked by sperm. I just hope she lets just one in so we can get this accomplished in one shot and move onto the pregnancy portion of this plan.

OMG!

So I tested for my surge today around 11am and we got our smiley face! So I then called the doctor and she said to come in at 2:45 TODAY! Is that too early? This is our first IUI and it is just hitting me that WE ARE DOING THIS TODAY! Now if only the day would pass quicker so I could get this over with. I'm not really sure what to expect but I guess I'll find out soon enough. I always knew we were trying, but now we are about to be in our first 2 week wait which is so crazy to me. Wish us luck. I'll letyou know how it goes.

Here's an email my wonderful wife sent me today at work. I love her! She included the after 1pm thing because she teaches class from 9-1 next Wednesday which very well could be THE day. I would hate to have to go to our first IUI by myself! Now if only God would respond....

Dear God,
Jen and I would like a healthy baby, that takes on the first time- next Wednesday after 1pm. And, we would like for her pregnancy to be healthy and allow everything to go great with her and the baby.
Thank you,
Tati

CD5

We're getting closer to our first IUI. I had some more acupuncture last Friday and the Doc told me she thinks it'll happen on the first try. I'm either going to be very grateful to her or fucking pissed if it doesn't work. Mother's Day went better then expected. From reading these ttc blogs I can see why some of you have a hard time with it. I guess since we haven't even done our first IUI we still have no idea what kind of roller coaster of emotions we are about to face it doesn;t bother us as much. It's weird that next week is our first try. I just want to know what it's going to be like. Does it hurt? The first exam the RE did didn't hurt but didn't feel good either. Is it like that? I've read about cramping, should I try and come back to work or should I go home and stand on my head? The unknown is what's driving me nuts. I have another acupuncture appt this Friday which will make 3 sessions before the IUI. Let's hope it works for us. We only have 3 trys lined up before we can get some more juice out of hock (aka quarantine). I never imagined how hard it would be to find a South American donor! Not even California had a lot. Most were Mexican or Puerta Rican, no offense, but they look nothing like my beautiful Bolivian wife.

Speaking of my wife, today is our 6 month wedding anniversary. 6 months ago today we were in Boston going through another different kind of emotional roller coaster. We had spent the week before we were to leave at a hospital in Alabama at my g-dad's bedside. We got there only hours after they sedated him and he never woke up again. I still kick mysef that we didn't leave earlier. I can still hear his voice. So as he lay in the hospital unable to regain consciencousness my family urged us to go to Boston and get married. We left on a Thursday night. We applied for our marriage license on Friday and took off for the weekend up through Vermont to Montreal. We had a lovely weekend there and while driving through the backroads of New Hampshire on our way to my wife's aunt's place on Cape Cod, we got the call that Monday afternoon. G-dad was gone. We were married the next day, Tuesday at 5pm, and spent our honeymoon night in a cheap hotel next to the Providence, RI airport. We left early the next morning for Alabama. After 2 flights and a 3 hours drive we were at the funeral home. Then out to Oklahoma to bury him. I still can't think of our courthouse wedding without thinking of him. Thankfully we had another ceremony and reception here Dec 5th. It was magical and is not associated with death as our "legal, but not in Fl" courthouse wedding is. Either way, I married the woman of my dreams that Nov 10th, which was our 5 year anniversary. I love her more than I'll ever be able to tell her and I hope that I can give her the baby she was meant to be a Mami to one day....one day soon.....as in please take next week!

CD1

So here we are....CD1. It's crazy to think that in about 2 weeks we go in for our first IUI. Our lives will literally change 1 month from now. I know the odds of it taking on the first try are low, but it will happen 1 of these trys so I will probably feel like this everytime I start my period until we have our baby. I have acupuncture again tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. I can feel a difference this month with just my PMS and cramps alone. I had no symptoms of starting my period and today my cramps are even tolerable. Usually I'm a bitch the week before, sore boobs, craving everything, and then BAM, doubled over with cramps on the first day. The Dr. said she would help my period and so far she has. I felt awesome after my first session so I'm looking forward to my fix tomorrow. Even if it doesn't help with my fertility, it sure does help with my attitude so the wife's all for it. So, cross your fingers we have just entered CD1 for our first try!

CD25

Well, well...Last weekend was so much fun! I had my first round of acupuncture and dinner on Thursday which was my actual birthday, an arena footbal game with about 10 family and friends Friday night, a massage Saturday morning, dancing lessons Saturday night, and Sunday was spent at the springs hiking and swimming. It was an awesome birthday and hopefully the last I'll spend without a baby.

Well the acupuncture is still working. It made such a noticable difference in my life the last few days that people even noticed. I've been in a good mood and not cranky or tired ever since last Thursday. I go again this Friday which should be right about when my period is starting again. I hope my girlie parts are feeling the effects from the acupuncture as well. I'm supposed to start tomorrow but I have no indication that I will. Maybe the acupuncture took all my PMS away?? Wouldn't that be great! Or maybe, like I told me wife this morning, it threw my cycle off of it's regular 25 day cycle. Who knows, but we are doing our first IUI this cycle so I hope it doesn't confuse us too much when it comes to testing. I ovulated on CD13 last month so I guess we'll see what happens this month.

The acupuncture consultation went great! She told me a lot of things that made sense. I am going to see her tomorrow to do my first treatment. She is going to put the needles around my stomach in a way that will stimulate my reproductive system to open up which will allow for better blood flow which in turn ups your chances of getting pregnant. We also talked about other things that she is going to work on. I feel like I'm always tired and my shoulder has been aching so she said she could help me with that as well. She said that this stuff will just help me for when the baby comes. I like her positive thinking!

In other news, tomorrow is my 34th birthday and my beautiful wife is taking me to a Ko.be, a Japanese steakhouse...YUM!

acupuncture

So I have this friend who did 3 IUI's and then for her 4th try did acupuncture and got pregnant. So that got me to thinking...why not try it? I totally believe in that so why not? It's $75 a session and she only went once at a certain time in her cycle and it worked. I have my first appt today at 12:45 to check it out. It's supposed to up your chances like 20% so I'm all for trying it! Has anyone out there tried that? If so, what are your thoughts? I'll let you know how it turns out.

CD, Friday the 13th!

Look who can ovulate!!

I've been testing since CD9 for the first time in my life, just for practice. I was starting to think that maybe I couldn't ovulate, but looks like I can! I was doing the calculations and if I start my period on 5/5 like I'm supposed to, and ovulate on CD13 again, that puts our first IUI on 5/18, and our TWW up on 6/1 which is my Dad's birthday. Wouldn't it be nice to have a BFP on our very first try and also Grandaddy's birthday?? I know...I know...wishful thinking, but you have to stay positive! Off to celebrate with the wifey that I CAN ovulate. That's a huge step forward in our TTC journey. WE HAVE FORWARD PROGRESS!!!

CD12

So I've tested since last Monday which was CD9, and still no smiley face to say I'm ovulating. Today is CD12, so I hope I get that smiley face tonight. It's weird because now all of a sudden I have this fear that I won't ovulate. I'm beginning to see how crazy this TTC train is! We're not even doing our first IUI this month, this is just supposed to be our "practice" month. If we get the smiley face, then that is our green light to do our first attempt in May. Here's to hoping I see that smiley face tonight! According to my tracker, I should ovulate Friday, which means I should surge today right?? I guess we'll find out....

CD9

So here goes my first attempt at tracking. Today is CD9. The Doc told me to test for my surge on CD10 which is tomorrow. I'm going to test tonight when I get home though just cause. I guess I'm already getting test happy. So we bought our first OPK's this weekend which was weird. All I could think about was the fact that we're hopping on this crazy TTC train very soon!! It's nerve racking, exciting, and scary all at the same time. It doesn't help that I have been lurking for months reading everyone else's blogs so I feel like I have an idea of what to expect but know that I have no clue.



My boss was in my office today chatting with me about it which was nice. She has been so cool about the whole thing and actually went through it herself with her partner. We're actually using her RE, which makes things at work a little easier. It took her 9 times....God I hope it happens quick for us...but don't we all. We only have 3 vials so here's to hoping! I called the Doc's office today and all my tests were good, the juice is there, and all we need is a surge and they'll shoot us up. It's crazy to think that our plan is coming together...we just need it to work!



So Saturday was crazy busy, but fun. Here's a rundown of what we did that day alone! I figured I would give you a glimpse into our lives.

• 8am Saturday we ran an 8k (4.92 miles) for organ donation and finished in 1 hour 3 minutes. Not too shabby considering my best time for a 5k (3.1 miles) is 36 minutes.


• picked up our season tickets to the Orlando Predators, did I mention I LOVE FOOTBALL


• went to a wedding at 1pm


• had lunch and ran home to let the dogs out


• went to a retirement party for one of T's professors from college at 4pm


• 5pm was the wedding reception


• friends birthday party at cheesy club

So as you can see, it was busy. We then drove to Crescent City to pick up my brother on Sunday who was there fishing with our Dad an Uncles. It's about time to leave now, we're going to meet one of my wife's good friends for dinner so she can fill her in on our baby making plans.

So I'm at work today driving myself crazy looking for ways to track my cycle. We saw the doctor and it looks like we will be trying for the 1st time this May. Today is CD4 for me and the doc said to start testing CD10, so I'm getting nevous! Apparently, my cycle is only 24-25 days long which doesn't seem to bother the Doc, so I guess I'm ok with it. Looks like this weekend, we will be on the hunt to find some OPK's so that we can test this cycle to find out when I might ovulate. I'd ask for suggestions, but no one's reading but my wife! LOL

And oh yeah....our swimmers are getting shipped today! We bought 3 vials, so I'm hoping that's all we'll need, but I'm realistic to the fact that we may have to try more times then that. If we do though, our guy won't have anymore samples until Aug/Sept so I guess we'll have to see how that works out. Do you know how hard it was to find a South American donor that looks like my wife?? There aren't many out there and this guy is our first and only choice really......so come on God, let it take within 3!

Anyway, back to work!

About 2 hours after my first post last Sunday, I had to rush our Boston Terrier, Sophie, to the emergency vet. She woke up from her nap and couldn't lift her head up and she had no control over her back legs. IT FREAKED ME OUT! I picked her up and ran out the door with her. I knew something was wrong because she just laid in the seat next to me. She's usually thrilled to be on a car ride. She ended up being diagnosed with some sort of neck injury and is home resting and taking her muscle relaxers, pain relievers, steroids, and antibiotics (from an ear hematoma 10 days ago!). I think it's muscular because she has a huge knot on her shoulder and you can feel it spasming, but we won't know for sure until her x-ray next week. Apparently, they don't do the x-ray until after a week because the course of treatment is the same no matter what they find.

This brings me to this realization....I had to do this alone, because as I mentioned in my earlier post, Tatiana, was at her parents house for Easter dinner. You see, I have no relation with my in-laws, and have been in the same room with them 3 times in 5.5 years. It is what it is and we both adjust, but what if it had been our baby that was hurt?? She has no reception there, and all I could do was text her and hope she would check her phone at some point. When she got the message she immediately left, but I just couldn't help but think, what if it was our kid? I asked her and she just shook her head, unsure of what to say, but what could she say, it's just how it is.

My family is more accepting, my Mom even helped plan our wedding, but I have had my own issues with them lately. My mother's reaction to our appointment tomorrow (with the RE!) was less than enthusiastic. I thought for sure that she would be excited. We have talked about having kids with her on several occasions and she has seemed more than excited, which is why her reaction to our appointment has really pissed me off. I tried bringing it up again thinking the initial shock needed to wear off and I was met with the same response. I offered her info on the donor and she told me that she had go because my step-dad just got home and that she would look later. She must have sensed my attitude because she called right back claiming she" couldn't wait that long". When she pulled him up all she could say was "oh he's cute". Whatever, I'm so over her and hurt by all of this right now all I can do is keep my distance, which has caused her to call me and offer to pay for the appointment. She likes to buy people off so I declined. This is the first time that I have ever sensed her being stand offish about the whole "gay" thing. I think it has to do with her not knowing/wanting to show off her grandkid and having to explain that he has 2 mom's. At my step-dad's birthday a couple of weeks ago, she had co-workers there and she introduced Tatiana as my "friend". Fuck that! She is my wife, you helped plan the damn wedding! At least say partner! She introduced my brother and sister and their respective "fiances". Or say daughter-in-law...no one will usually ask who she's married to. Besides, I look like a big dyke so it's not a surprise to people that I'm gay!

On a brighter note, we have our appointment with the RE tomorrow to find out the steps we need to take to create our own destiny. I'll keep you posted as to how it turns out. If anyone out there even cares...LOL

Well, this is officially my first post. It's my first foray into blogging actually and who knows if anyone will actually read this. Either way, this blog is for me to chronicle my wife and I's journey on creating our own destiny.

My wife, Tatiana, and I were married in Massachusetts on Nov. 10, 2009. It was an emotional day as well as our 5 year anniversary. We were married at the Wellesley Town Hall with her Aunt and Uncle there with us. We had this trip planned for months, us going to New England, getting married, and having a pre-honeymoon exploring Boston, Vermont, New Hampshire, Cape Cod, and Montreal. We made it to all of those places but unfortunately our trip was cut short because my Granddad passed away Nov. 9th. We were married at 5pm on a Tuesday the 10th and by 6am Wednesday morning we were on a flight to Alabama for the funeral followed by a flight to Oklahoma for the burial. In 10 days we were on 7 flights, in 6 states, plus Canada, drove over 1,000 miles and experienced the highs of getting married (legally I might add!) and the sorrows of death. My beautiful wife was there by my side the whole time.

When we made it back to Florida, it was Thanksgiving, and more wedding plans. You see on Dec 5th we had plans for a religious ceremony with our minister and a reception for 80 people. It was the most perfect day! Neither one of us would have changed anything.

Now here we are on Easter, me here blogging and her at her parents house, as we embark on our greatest journey yet. A journey to make us Mom's. We stand ready to jump on another emotional roller coaster. I've been reading people's blogs and I think I have an idea of what to expect, but I know that I don't. We have no idea what is in store but look forward to finding out. We have taken our first step, we have an appointment with a RE this Thursday to find out what we need to do to become Mama and Mami. We have forward progress!